Dear Kid,

Speaking of things that aren’t going to happen, we got mail today addressed to The Parents Of:

In this particular case it was addressed tTPO your sister, but that’s not really the relevant part. It could have been to tTPO any college kid.

It was from – wait for it – the University’s residence halls association offering – wait for it – laundry service.

Yes, for a mere billion dollars, they will pick up, check pockets, pretreat, sort, wash, dry, fold (meticulously), package, and delivery laundry.

Wait, they fold meticulously, but nothing else meticulously?

And, get this, they “check each load for complete drying.” Gee, I thought they’d deliver soggy laundry.

They match socks and fold in pairs. (That’s different from folding meticulously.) I’m almost tempted to sign Pi up just to see how they handle someone who never wears matching socks.

In my opinion, college kids should be able to do their own laundry. It’s part of the experience. It’s a life skill. If you’re in the dorm, the washers are handy.

I suppose there are circumstances under which a kid couldn’t do laundry. But the scenarios I’m imagining involve things a lot more serious than dirty jeans.

Then there’s the cost. There are a variety of plans depending on how much laundry you plan to have, and they range from Expensive to You Can Buy Your Own Washer-Dryer For That Much! I know.

Laughing all the way to the recycle bin.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

We are in the Countdown to College and I have been reading articles about helping you adjust to college life. Here are some of the best tips.

Use the same laundry detergent your mom uses at home. Smells are very powerful memory triggers and can help you feel more comfortable. For you, there are only several problems with this tip. First of all, Dad does most of the laundry. Secondly, we use two “fragrances”: Unscented and OnSale. So this isn’t going to help you very much. Find a detergent smell you like, find a friend who uses that detergent, and sniff often.

Hang curtains. Curtains feel homey, help coordinate a room, and muffle sound. We haven’t done anything about curtains yet. We should probably start by seeing if your roommate has done anything about them. If not, we can shop for material and I can make something. I promise to do it as quickly as I can. Certainly no later than Easter. Sooner if I ask Grandma to help.

Bring some food so you don’t have rely entirely on the cafeteria. I believe it was an astute observer (you) who said, “I’m going to college with more food than clothes.” Pretty sure we got this one covered. I’m also pretty sure there is more than one person ready to send you baked goods. When I mentioned this to Pi, she said, “I like baked goods!” Her expression changed slightly when I explained I was talking about sending baked  goods to you, but she brightened when I pointed out there would doubtless be some for her to taste to be sure we didn’t send anything problematic.

Walk the Walk; Set the Alarm. Preparing for the first day of school in 3rd grade meant sharpening pencils and wearing new sneakers. Preparing for the first day of classes in college means walking the route(s) at least once (possibly more if it’s a nice day) and doing a dry run alarm-clock-wise the day before. A sharp pencil isn’t a bad idea either.

Join clubs and/or school organizations. Go, join, do, enjoy. Meet people and begin forming your new community. Don’t think we can pack anything to make this easier.

I can’t believe we only have 8 days left…not at all sure what I think about this…

Love, Mom

P.S. Those are glasses on the “S” — Not sure why they look like misplaced circles.