Dear Kid,

A year ago, I wrote a really good letter to you about Memorial Day. Since I can’t top it for saying the important stuff about the day (you should feel free to go back and re-read it), I am moving on to the second most important part of the day.

According to the Weber Grill People, ¾ of the US population will be grilling this weekend. What will they be eating? Hamburgers, chicken, and steak. Which brings us to today’s topic: hot dogs.

Fact: Tofu hot dogs are really pretty bad. I know this because I had them for dinner last night, and—to be clear—they aren’t fooling anyone.

July is National Hot Dog Month (which explains why I’m talking about them in May). The big hot dog party is July 4^th. Or any handy baseball game.

Hot dogs were actually invented in 1484 in Franfurt, Germany. The word frankfurter comes from the German “frank” as in “dude who eats a lot” and “furter” meaning “baseball food.”

7-Eleven sells 100 million hot dogs annually. I have no words.

The average American eats 50 hot dogs each year. The kids at the Sweet 16 did not hold up their end of the average.

Hot dogs were the first food eaten on the moon. Still no words.

In 1996, the Sara Lee Corporation created what was then the world’s longest hot dog in honor of the Olympics. It was 1,996 feet of hot dog-ness, but didn’t set a world record because the bun was not made in one piece. One piece bun-making is the tricky part. The current record holding hot dog was made in 2011, measuring 203.8m (668 feet). It was a big deal for people who care about those sort of things.

The most expensive hot dog I could find information about is the “Haute Dog” at Serendipity 3. That puppy is grilled up and served with white truffle oil then topped with duck foie gras and truffle butter, for the low, low price of $69 each. Somehow that seems to smack of the opposite of hot-dog-ness.

I am not going to mention hot dog eating contests because, well, because I’m me and I’m following the First Rule of DearKidLoveMom: if you can’t say something nice, be funny; and if you can’t be funny, shut up. Shutting up.

In between bites of hot dog, hamburger, or peanut butter and jelly, I hope everyone will take a few minutes to remember those who died in the service of our country. We remember and salute you.

Love, Mom