Dear Kid,

Today is your last day of finals!

Congrats on making it through another year full of ups and downs and ups and downs and ups again.

Since you’re coming home (yay), it’s time to review the Things Every College Student Should Remember About Coming Home.

You’re a member of our family (yay). You’re comfortable fixing your own breakfast, making lunch, and finding a snack when you’re hungry. You’re also capable of cleaning up after your breakfast, lunch, and snack.

Being a member of the family means taking turns doing chores like walking the Puppy and mowing the lawn. Both the Puppy and the lawn will be very, very happy to see you.

Since it’s Immediately After Exam Time, you’re entitled to a few days to sleep late and nap in the afternoon. This particular privilege does not last all summer.

5 Behaviors You Would Never Adopt But Just In Case You Were Considering Trying Them Out

• Do not chew with your mouth open
• Do not talk with your mouth full
• Grunting is not an acceptable form of communication
• Leaving all your gear and clothing on the kitchen floor is not an acceptable form of storage
• Whining is best left to vintners

Love, Mom