Dear Kid,

Several many years ago, the world (and traffic) stood still as Dad and I careened in a taxi from our apartment on 53rd Street downtown to the hospital. Not too long thereafter, you consented to join our family. This was (and continues to be) a Most Excellent Decision. Happy Birthday, baby.

Also, today is International Women’s Day (Happy International Women’s Day).

A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun.  Enjoy the trip.  ~Author Unknown

It’s also the anniversary of the first day the IRS began to levy and collect income taxes (1913).

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.  ~Ogden Nash

And it’s the anniversary of the first dog-licensing law (NY State 1894). Booker says this means he should be allowed to drive. When I pointed out his legs won’t reach the pedals, he went off to chew on his owl.

The year you were born marks only your entry into the world. Other years where you prove your worth, they are the ones worth celebrating. 
 ~Jarod Kintz

But mostly it’s your birthday.

Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake. ~Unknown

Hope you have a Wonderful Day.

Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life. ~George Harrison

We love you, kiddo.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Once upon a time, Russians played a lot of hockey in the Olympics. More to the point, they won a lot of hockey in the Olympics. Even more to the point, they won pretty much all the hockey in the Olympics.

Then there were a bunch of boys from Boston University (yay), and a bunch from Minnesota, and several from other places who knew how to play hockey. And there was a hockey coach who seriously knew how to coach that bunch of boys.

And there was a sportscaster who knew how to make the most out of a fabulously dramatic moment.

“11 seconds, you’ve got 10 seconds, the countdown going on right now! Morrow, up to Silk. Five seconds left in the game. Do you believe in miracles?! YES!–Al Michaels

On February 22, 1980, the USA made history in Lake Placid by beating the Soviet hockey team 4-3.

On March 3, 1890, the cover of Sports Illustrated featured a photo of the team celebrating after the win. There was no headline, no caption, because “Everyone in America knew what happened”.

<Tweet>. Again. Go USA!

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Happy Washington’s Birthday.

Once upon a time when I was a child, we had school holidays for both Washington and Lincoln’s birthdays. Then the birthdays were smooshed together and we had Presidents’ Day off. Now kids just take off every day for cold weather.

Today is not officially Presidents’ Day because the officially renaming never happened (federally speaking, that is. Many states choose to call it Presidents’ Day).

I do not have any earrings commemorating president’s day. You do not need to rectify that particular oversight.

The United States has been celebrating Washington’s birthday pretty much as long as the United States has been around. GW himself lost interest after he died, but the country kept celebrating and in 1885 George’s birthday became a federal holiday.

On February 22nd of almost every year since 1888, Washington’s Farewell Address has been read in the US Senate. This is partly because it’s nice for GW’s ghost to hear his words and partly because what he had to say Back Then is a good reminder in the Here and Now. The MomNotes version of the speech: be careful of political factionalism, watch out for geographical sectionalism, keep other countries out of our internal affairs, national unity is critical, and never tell a lie.

In 1971, lawmakers wearing bell bottom leisure suits created the Uniform Monday Holiday Act which moved holidays like Columbus Day, Memorial Day, and Veterans Day to a Monday so that department stores could spend lots of money advertising big sales and so that workers would have more three day weekends. (This only works if you have national holidays off from work.)

These days we celebrate G’s birthday with big sales and cherry pie. Which, while not reverent, may not be the worst birthday celebration I can think of.

Happy three day weekend.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

NOTE: there are lots of notions, theories, assertions, and disagreements about the origins of Valentine’s Day. As I may have mentioned, I am not a historian. With any luck, much of what I publish is accurate, but if you’re looking for real history fuhgedaboutit.

After years of observation, I can sincerely report that Valentine’s Day is a holiday designed to make people miserable.

In the olden days, this was done by killing them (St. V was in prison [miserably] before he was killed on Feb 14th).

Saint Valentine is the patron saint of lovers, engaged couples, epilepsy, plague, greetings, travelers, young people, and bee keepers. The guy is a mixed bag saintly-speaking.

The oldest surviving valentine is a poem written in 1415 by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife. The duke wrote the valentine while he was being held in the Tower of London (where he was miserable). He remained (miserably) in the Tower for 24 years.

King Henry VIII declared February 14th a holiday in 1537. Which is ironic considering he killed most of his wives because they didn’t “give him a son”. Like they misplaced the order with the baby factory or something.

Nowadays, we make people miserable by Setting Expectations. Since no one on the planet can live up to these Great Expectations, pretty much everyone is miserable. And poorer since they spent a lot of dough trying to Meet Expectations.

Alexander Graham Bell applied for his patent on the telephone on Valentine’s Day 1876. This is only important because I wrote a blog about phones.

Valentine’s Day is the #2 “send out cards day” of the year (Christmas is number 1). I think my birthday should be at least podium worthy, but it’s not.

Most men do not send out cards; they buy gifts. If they know what is good for them.

The roots of Valentine’s Day can be traced back (maybe) to the Roman fertility festival of Lupercalia when a young man would draw the name of a young woman in a lottery and would then keep the woman as a sexual companion for the year. They might not all have been miserable, but I’m betting it wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns for everyone.

Or possibly:

In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl to see who their valentines would be. They would wear these names on their sleeves for one week. Today, to wear your heart on your sleeve means being transparent with your affections.

Or possibly not. See “historian” above.

You can make special Valentine’s reservations at White Castle which is guaranteed to make both you and your date miserable, thereby fitting the theme perfectly. Other fast food chains have joined in, which does nothing to make me happy.

More home pregnancy tests are sold in March than in any other month which is weird because condom sales are highest around Valentine’s Day — 20 to 30% more than usual. There is (probably) something profound to say about this. I don’t know what it might be.

The Italian city of Verona, where Shakespeare’s lovers Romeo and Juliet lived, receives about 1,000 letters addressed to Juliet every Valentine’s Day. This isn’t miserable (except for the Verona post office people) it’s just dumb. Juliet is dead and there is a play to prove it. (Note: Sending letters to Santa makes much more sense–he brings gifts and Shakespeare never demonstrated his willingness to commit suicide for love.)

There’s a lot of candy on Valentine’s Day. Which of course makes sense given the number of people that start diets on January 1st.

Lots (and by lots I mean about 9 million) of people give their pets gifts on Valentine’s Day. This weirded me out until I read that the average amount spent on a pet gift is $5.04 which seems about right. Booker is not going to get a present. He might get any extra treat. Maybe. Please don’t get his hopes up.

Love, Mom

Give yourself a Valentine’s gift and sign up to have DearKidLoveMom delivered every day to your email box.

Dear Kid,

“Whatever career you may choose for yourself – doctor, lawyer, teacher – let me propose an avocation to be pursued along with it. Become a dedicated fighter for civil rights. Make it a central part of your life. It will make you a better doctor, a better lawyer, a better teacher. It will enrich your spirit as nothing else possibly can. It will give you that rare sense of nobility that can only spring from love and selflessly helping your fellow man. Make a career of humanity. Commit yourself to the noble struggle for human rights. You will make a greater person of yourself, a greater nation of your country and a finer world to live in.” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I love the notion of making a career of humanity. Some of us began our careers when the notion of things like kindness and humanity weren’t exactly laughed at but they sure weren’t at the top of our career to-do list. It was fine to be giving and good on the weekend (if you could get away from work), but the concept of humanity in business was pretty much drained out of us in the late 80s.

It took a long time for many of us to realize that kindness, thinking about people around us, general caring was more important than closing the next deal, doubling our bonuses, getting the next three promotions.

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

The world has changed a lot since Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. gave his famous I Have a Dream Speech. It has changed a lot since the 1980s and 90s. It has changed a lot since yesterday.

Change is good; change is important. And in this age of massive technological innovation, we can expect changes in the next few years that we can’t even contemplate today.

My hope is that while the world continues to spin and innovation continues change our day-to-day routines, we can continue to be better people every day. It’s not easy, but it’s so important.

“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?'” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

It’s a good day to think about what we can do for others.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

“He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man. He that is more than a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a man, I am not for him.” ― William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing

Happy December! It’s the start of a new month which means (among other things) that No Shave November is over (until next year). In honor of The Big Shave, I thought I’d share some Interesting Facts About Hair.

1. The average man’s face contains anywhere from 5,000 to 25,000 whiskers. The Grinch has more. Super huge thank you to Peg and Mitch for the tickets—we had a great time last night!

2. Cave drawing from as early as 10,000 BC depict men with clean-shaven faces and men with short beards. Billboards near those caves show ads for shavers (especially around Christmas).

3. Ancient Egyptian barbers regularly shaved their clients with razors and pumice stones as a beard was considered an indication of personal neglect. It is generally still considered a sign of poor personal hygiene if you’re female. It’s sometimes a sign that you play professional sports and you’re in the playoffs.

4. Alexander the Great noticed that the bad guys (anyone he was fighting) could easily grab his soldiers’ beards and therefore insisted his troops fight with clean-shaven faces.

5. In Shakespeare’s day, men often swore by their beards (which seems odd for something that can be shaved or reshaped so easily. Just kidding–different beard, see?) It was quite fashionable then for men to dye their beards. Kind of the way teenage girls treat their hair these days although I don’t think anyone in the Bard’s day went with blue or pink.

6. Peter the Great of Russia imposed a tax on beards, which was collected at every town gate. Can you imagine how US politics these days would react to the notion of taxing hair, tattoos, or piercings? Wait—I’ll be right back when I stop laughing.

7. Human hair grows about a centimeter a month (except when you have a really bad haircut in which case it grows about a centimeter a year.) Hair grows faster during the day than at night.

8. The longest mustache on record was 10 feet. The longest beard recorded was 17.5 feet. Why they are on record and not on a DVD or Blue Ray, I couldn’t say.

9. Wet hair is much weaker than dry hair—which is why many people prefer the ‘wet shave’ methodology.

10. Pseudofolliculitisbarbae (say that 10 times fast) is the medical term for razor burn. Clogged sink is the term for thinking about the Grinch shaving.

Enjoy your newly shaven face and travel safe back to school. Finish up the semester strong, kiddo. See you in a few weeks.

Love, Mom