Dear Kid,

The baby has been very chatty lately.

Me: Come on, Puppy
Puppy: Shhhhhh….
Me: Excuse me?
Puppy: There’s something over there
Me: There is?
Puppy: I think it’s a moose
Me: It’s not a moose
Puppy: It might be
Me: There are no moose in this area
Puppy: I’ll go check it out
Me: You’ll stay right here
Puppy: Dang leash

Puppy: MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY, YOU’RE HOME!! I’M SOOOO HAPPY!! I’LL GO GET MY TOY!
Me: Hi, baby
Puppy: LOOK, MY TOY!! AND I’M RUNNING AROUND BECAUSE I’M SO HAPPY YOU’RE HOME!! I’M…wait a minute…you smell like cat. You smell like Two Cats
Me: Well, the people we were visiting had two cats
Puppy: Just wanted to be sure you knew I knew
Me: I know
Puppy: Ok. I’m still happy you’re home
Me: I’m happy to see you, too, baby.

Puppy: Scratch more
Me: I’m going to take a break now
Puppy: Scratch more
Me: I’ve been scratching for a long time
Puppy: Scratch more
Me: I love you, but I’m taking a break now
Puppy: I’ll be here when you’re ready to scratch more

Puppy: What are you doing?
Me: I’m eating lunch
Puppy: I want lunch
Me: Puppies don’t get lunch
Puppy: I like lunch
Me: You like any food, any time
Puppy: Right, so I would like lunch
Me: No lunch for Puppies
Puppy: Do not underestimate the power of the stare
Me: You can stare all you like, no lunch for you
Puppy: I have got to practice my stare…

Puppy: I have very special poop
Me: You do?
Puppy: Yes. I know because you pick it up and put it in the Special Poop Container
Me: The garbage can?
Puppy: And then the big truck comes and takes it to the Poop Museum. I have special poop
Me: Oh, puppy. Everything about you is special
Puppy: Does your poop go to the Poop Museum?

Puppy: What are you drinking?
Me: Soda
Puppy: Can I have some?
Me: No
Puppy: Why?
Me: Soda isn’t good for puppies
Puppy: Is soda good for you?

Puppy: Mommy!
Me: Yes, sweetie
Puppy: I love you.
Me: I love you too, sweetie pie.

Love, Mom

For more puppy conversations, check out Spring Puppy Conversations, New Puppy Conversations, Winter WonderPuppy | Baby, It’s Cold Outside, More Puppy Conversations

Me: Come on, sweetie, it’s a work day
Puppy: I’m trying to work. It would be easier if you would stop pulling my leash
Me: It is not a chipmunk chasing day
Puppy: It could be if you’d let me do my job

Dear Kid,

When Pi was little, we had a family of chipmunks living under the front walk. She and I loved to sit on the stairs and look out to see them pop up to greet the day.

Now, we have a chipmunk (or possibly more than one) living somewhere in the front of the house. It particularly likes to play in the garden area, which makes Dad and Booker a little crazy albeit for different reasons.

For Booker, the problem is the chipmunk doesn’t stick around to make friends. For Dad, the problem is that when Booker chases the chipmunk, he accidentally rearranges things in the garden.

It’s probably one chipmunk since they are solitary creatures, but since it’s spring (and by “spring” I mean the mating season) one never knows.

Chipmunks are actually members of the squirrel family. I don’t think they are generally invited over to Sunday dinner, but they are members of the family nonetheless.

There are 25 species of chipmunk (26 if you count the ones like Alvin that star in movies in Hollywood).

Chipmunks have excellent hearing and can detect Booker thinking about looking for them.

Their primary occupation is Gathering Food for Now and for Winter, and they are Most Efficient at their job. A chipmunk can gather enough food in two days to last an entire winter, although they follow the Jewish Mother Food Principle of More is More.

Like many college students, chipmunks do not sleep through the entire winter. They wake up every few days, raise their body temperature, and nosh on leftovers. They aren’t particularly choosy about what they eat. They are happy to munch on nuts, fruit, grains, insects, worms, eggs, and even baby birds and baby mice. Yum.

Puppy: Seriously, he’s in there! I can get to him
Me: Seriously, we’re going inside to get the day started
Puppy: What’s better than starting the day by making a new friend?
Me: Friends are important. So is getting to work on time. Inside, my friend

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Fact: Saying nah-nah-nah-boo-boo to ants does not impress them.

Fact: I am bigger than they are. Fact: There are more of them. Fact: They give me the heebie jeebies when they are in my kitchen. Fact: I have given them ant traps.

You needn’t tell Dad I set out ant traps. He’s convinced ant traps don’t work on picnic ants. But I’m convinced I don’t want ants in the kitchen so ant traps it is.

I even watched for a while after I set them out. Several of the ants took one sniff of the plastic and made a detour. But at least one ant went in, grabbed some delicious poison, and came out so I’m hopeful this will work. If it doesn’t, I may have to resort to Drastic Measures.

May 24, 1830, Mary Hale wrote “Mary Had a Little Lamb.” Getting lambs out of the kitchen is probably easier than getting ants out of the kitchen. Certainly getting Mary Had a Little Lamb out of your head is easier than getting The Ants Go Marching One by One out of your head.

Booker and I are still discussing plans for the day. He suggested cat chasing and napping. I have vetoed the cat chasing part but am still considering napping.

Hope the trip is going well.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

His Furriness is having  a tough spring.

Me: Come on, sweetie, Get Busy
Puppy (whispering): But Mom, Cobra’s walking with us today
Me: Yes, he is. Get Busy
Puppy (still whispering): I can’t poop in front of Cobra!
Me: Why not? He poops too
Puppy: I’ve never seen him poop
Me: Trust me on this
Puppy: This is humiliating

Puppy: What are you doing?
Me: Weeding
Puppy: You’re digging up plants
Me: I’m digging up the plants we don’t want
Puppy: When I dig up plants I don’t want it’s called digging and it’s bad
Me: Yup
Puppy: That’s not fair
Me: That’s weeding

Puppy: That’s my leash
Me: Uh-huh
Puppy: That’s my other leash
Me: Yup
Puppy: I only need one leash to go outside
Me: You’ve been chasing cats
Puppy: Only when I see them
Me: You have to stay on our property
Puppy: I do!
Me: Not when you see a cat
Puppy: Well, that’s different
Me: So the leashes go together and the rope goes here and you stay on our property
Puppy: Who is going to chase the cat?

Puppy: That’s my brush!
Me: It is
Puppy: You brushed me yesterday
Me: It’s Spring
Puppy: But you brushed me yesterday
Me: You have moved from Off Season Training status to Full Time Competitive Shedding mode. You will be brushed again.
Puppy: It’s hard to patrol for cats when you’re being brushed

Me: Please stop sitting on the tulips
Puppy: I’m sitting nicely
Me: Yes, but you’re squishing the tulips
Puppy: I’m quite comfortable
Me: I’m sure you are, but I prefer unsquished tulips. Come look at a worm or something
Puppy: I’m good
Me: But you’re sitting on the tulips which is not good
Puppy: I really have to move?
Me: Release the flower, dog
Puppy: Fine. I’ll sit on the hyacinth

Love, Mom

For more puppy conversations, check out New Puppy Conversations, Puppy Conversations, and More Puppy Conversations

Dear Kid,

Our front lawn looks pretty good. And by “pretty good” I mean if you drive by at about twice the speed limit without your glasses on you probably won’t notice that the lush green is equal parts grass and weed. Primarily wild strawberry, clover, and dandelions, but there are a bunch of invaders I can’t properly identify.

Our backyard, however, is an entirely different story. Even if you fly by in a plane at 20,000 feet and you’re not paying attention, you can’t help but notice the big, brown patches of not grass.

Puppy: What’s “not grass?”
Me: The brown stuff in the lawn that isn’t grass.
Puppy: I’m color blind.
Me: Good point. It’s the stuff that’s crunchy to lie on.
Puppy: I prefer napping on the soft stuff.
Me: My point exactly.

We are working to eliminate the not-grass. And by “working” I mean contemplating and talking about. There isn’t much actual “work” involved at this point.

I spent part of the weekend ripping out some of the not grass. You can tell it’s not grass because real grass is difficult to pull out when you have the hand strength of a three year old. And I had no trouble pulling this stuff out. There’s a lot to remove so it will take longer than one afternoon.

Puppy: I napped in the sun while you played with the not grass
Me: Yes you did
Puppy: Aren’t you going to say “thank you”?
Me: Um, thank you.
Puppy: No problem. I like to help

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

As I mentioned yesterday, the coyote incident was not the only interesting animal encounter of the weekend.

Saturday morning Booker was helping me weed the garden. His job was to lie in the sun, moving slightly every now and then to be sure he was being evenly toasted. He hasn’t shown much interest in worms lately (the ones I’ve been finding have been tiny and apparently not great conversationalists), but yesterday I was unearthing worms the size of Godzilla and these he found worth his time to get up and investigate.

Just prior the Great Coyote Sniff, Booker was making friends with one these giant worms, but he abandoned it to follow his nose.

Later in the day, I uncovered another one of humongous worms. “Would you like to see?” I asked the puppy.

He happily trotted over to see what I’d found. I moved the worm to a patch of dirt I’d already de-weeded so that Booker wouldn’t be in my way. Booker sniffed the new worm. He pawed at it once and sniffed it again.

And then—I kid you not—he began to use his nose to shovel loose soil onto the worm.

Never in all my days have I seen anything like that. He was trying to cover up the worm. (For the record, the worm didn’t exactly cooperate and Booker had to keep shoveling.) It was the most adorable, amazing thing ever.

When Booker had the worm sufficiently covered (or had gotten bored—I’m not sure which) he went off to continue his nap in the sun.

I sat contemplating the canine-worm relationship for a while. I reached no conclusions, interesting or otherwise.

Happy 41414.

Love, Mom