Dear Kid,

So now that we know it’s summer (as proven by the emergence of lovely lightening bugs), it seems like a good time to talk about them.

First of all, I should clarify my position on fireflies. They are bugs, and as such have far more than the appropriate number of legs. But they have LIGHTS! So as long as none of them land on me and use my arms as walking paths, we should be OK.

Here’s what you need to know about lightening bugs.

Fireflies’ lights can be yellow, green, or orange. They can’t actually change colors; different varieties of fireflies have different color lights. This isn’t really surprising because there over 2,000 kinds of fireflies.

Fireflies in the western US are energy conscious and don’t light up.

Which is unfortunate because lightening bugs are really pretty (read about that here) and their light is – wait for it – the most efficient light in the world. Nearly 100% of the energy in the chemical reaction that makes them light up is converted to light. (Incandescent bulbs only emit 10% of their energy as light; fluorescent bulbs emit 90% of their energy as light.)

Each species has their own flashing pattern designed specifically to attract females for a little nooky.

Mating is important because adult fireflies only live long enough to mate and lay eggs (no time for cuddling). The larvae live about a year (until mating season). Rinse and repeat.

Lightening bug larvae are carnivorous. When they have a choice, they generally order snails from room service.

Fireflies are disappearing due to pharmaceutical harvesting, light pollution, and habitat destruction. If there is a field or area where fireflies live and it gets destroyed or paved, lightening bugs don’t migrate, they just disappear – poof! – forever.

Which is sad. Because how will we know it’s summer?

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

In the show Cabaret, there is a song called “Money.”

The theme song for The Apprentice was “For the Love of Money.”

And Pink Floyd has a song called “Money.”

All of which proves that money and music go together like almost any other two things you can think of.

Also that I like a wide variety of music. There are lots of other money songs, but I have to move on and get to the point.

We also learn money doesn’t grow on trees. The songs don’t prove it, but I’m pretty sure we can start with No Currency-Growing Flora as a given.

Which brings us to Mom’s 6 Critical Rules for Money (whether or not you’re in college).

Save up. Not every penny you encounter needs to be spent immediately. Or even intermittently. Money likes to cozy up and take long naps just like the rest of us. That way it can work hard for you when you really need it.

If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it. That may seem simple enough, but the amount of debt in our society suggests that not everyone has embraced the notion.

There is “affording it” and “affording it.” Just because you happen to have a few dollars in the bank does not directly mean you can afford something. It may be that you’re saving up for the aforementioned monetary cushion. It may be that you’re saving for books or food or rent or the utility bill. It may be that you’re saving for graduate school.

Having a credit card does not necessarily mean you can “afford it.” Rebuilding bad credit is more painful than an anatomy lecture (and lasts longer). Use credit judiciously and only when you know you can pay off the entire balance promptly. Unless there is an Extreme Emergency or a really good shoe sale. (I joke. Do not blow your credit on shoes.)

Passions fade. Impulse purchases (when you have the money) are fine for things like a pack of gum or a side of French fries. But think long and hard about bigger purchases. While a super amazing guitar might be nice to have, it probably isn’t a necessity. Heat is. Be careful about giving in to today’s cravings—something even better is liable to show up tomorrow (you should pass on that one too). (I may have to remind myself of this the next time I go shoes shopping.)

Create a money plan. You have a study plan (at least I hope you do). You have a summer plan. You have plans for all sorts of things. Make one of those things a money plan (also called a budget).

Leftover money is not the same as leftover pizza. When companies end the year with extra money it’s called profit. When you end the year with extra money it’s called being smart. When you forget to eat the leftover pizza promptly it’s called salmonella.

(Please throw out the pizza.)

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Udderly weird facts about cows.

There are approximately 340-350 squirts in a gallon of milk.

Cows may smell bad, but they have a great sense of smell. They can smell something up to 6 miles away. They hear really well too. Cows can hear lower and higher frequencies better than humans. I have no idea how this helps them.

It takes 12 pounds of whole milk to make one gallon of ice cream. And 21.2 pounds of whole milk to make one pound of butter. (Speaking of butter, the yellow color comes from beta-carotene in the grass cows eat.)

Cows are social animals, and they naturally form large herds. Within the herd, cows make friends and bond to some herd members, while avoiding others. No word on whether they start nasty rumors about the ones they don’t much like.

A cow’s normal body temperature is 101.5°F. Which makes them really hot stuff. And keeps the butter melted.

Love, Mom

Tomorrow: How to tell the difference between cows and college students.

Dear Kid,

If you happen to find yourself in Everett, PA, and if you happen to drive down US Highway 30 (take the business district part), and if you happen to come to a screeching halt (screeching optional) at the entrance to the Down River Golf Course, you will find yourself at the Giant Quarter.

The Giant Quarter is 20 feet in diameter and weighs about a ton, so don’t bother trying to use it in a vending machine.

It was built by the Bedford County Technical Center and was chosen as part of the Roadside Giants of the Lincoln Highway project. (Turns out Washington hung out in Everett a fair amount so this seemed like a good place for his profile.)

There are other interesting things in the Bedford area. There is a building shaped and painted like an ice cream sundae and a building called “The Coffee Pot” shaped like (wait for it) a coffee pot.

Not sure what’s in the water in the Bedford, PA, area…

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It occurred to me that there are specific ways to procrastinate when writing a blog. And that I should share them here. Not that I would EVER employ any of these. Ever.

I should probably also point out that none of these can be used to procrastinate when it comes to studying or completing a lab assignment.

10. Watch an episode of Project Runway Jr. Give the judges your opinions.

9. Play a game of Spider Solitaire. Provide professional commentary in your head.

8. Wonder what it would be like to be a guest on the Ellen DeGeneres Show.

7. Shop for a pair of purple high heels. Remember you have purple heels. Decide that doesn’t matter.

6. Design a pair of socks for the office sock contest.

5. Organize your T-shirts. Alphabetically.

4. Clean the bathroom. (Yeah, right.)

3. Drink a cup of coffee. Decide it was so good you’ll have another.

2. Take a nap.

1. Write a ridiculous Top 10 list.

Happy studying.

Love, Mom

What’s your favorite way to procrastinate?

Dear Kid,

Mondays are very interesting animals.

When you Google Monday, you find all kinds of interesting facts.

Like: “According to a study by Marmite in 2011, the average person in the UK does not smile on a Monday until 11.16am.”

I can’t figure out how they got to 11:16, but I find it fascinating.

Most of the facts I found about Monday are both depressing and questionable (like 11:16am).

Personally, I’m not a huge fan of Mondays because they begin with morning. An early morning. And they’ve convinced a whole bunch of other early mornings to follow them.

But right after the early morning comes coffee, which is when the day starts to get better. A LOT better (aren’t you glad I didn’t say “a latte” better?).

I searched for some happy Monday facts; they don’t exist.

Being the kind of Mom I am, I decided to create some happy Monday facts. Since I’m putting them on the internet, they must be true. Here are 5 Incredible Facts About Mondays.

1. Monday is the day of the week you are least likely to step in dog poop on your way to lunch.
2. French toast tastes especially good on Monday.
3. Diets begun on a Monday are at least as likely to be successful as diets begun on any other day of the week.
4. Every great week starts with a Monday.
5. No one ever did anything great without an occasional Monday.

Also, Monday is an anagram of ‘dynamo’. (I didn’t make that one up.)

Here’s to a Great Monday.

Love, Mom

Mondays are better with DearKidLoveMom.com. Be sure to share!