Dear Kid,

Because we’re a crazy sort of couple, Dad and I stayed home and watched Free Birds a few nights ago. Very cute movie. The basic premise is that a couple of turkeys travel back in time to the first Thanksgiving to make sure turkey is not on the menu.

After a series of adventures, the turkeys win and deliver pizza from the future to the first Pilgrim feast.

Which started me thinking about odd Thanksgiving food (you thought I was going to wonder about talking turkeys, didn’t you?).

I understand that many people feel strongly about Thanksgiving and its associated traditions. I’m all for tradition, but I like the idea of contemplating something new. And since “new” and “food” go together beautifully in my world, I turned to my good Friend the Internet for inspiration.

Let me tell you, there are a lot of weird ideas about weird Thanksgiving food out there. There are some things that sounded interesting and (duh) some things that sounded downright wrong. Like turkey gravy cupcakes.

Let me be really clear: savory cupcakes are great if you like that sort of thing, but gravy does not belong in a cupcake. Not now. Not ever. Because I said so. (Sometimes, you just have to put your foot down as a mom.)

Also the Thanksgiving Dinner Cake sounds like a bad idea. The basic recipe is turkey meatloaf which you bake in round pans and use as the “cake”; stuffing for the “icing” between the layers of meatloaf; regular mashed potatoes as “icing” on the sides of the cake; sweet potatoes as the “icing” on the top of the cake; and (of course) mini marshmallows on top of the sweet potato layer. Actually, this sounds like a great idea for dealing with leftovers if you have children under 10.

On the other hand, the idea of Thanksgiving sushi rolls sounds really good. A little turkey, a little sweet potato, a bit of cranberry, and a bit of love all rolled up in a rice and cut sushi-style. How bad could it be?

Apple cider mimosas sound like an idea worth trying. As does doing something with butternut squash. Don’t know where we’d fit another side dish, but I like the idea.

I found a recipe for soft pretzel stuffing which sounds like a great idea because the bread won’t get mushy.

What do you think about pumpkin cornbread served warm with honey? I think YUM.

The photo of stuffed Brussel sprouts (like stuffed mushrooms only greener) almost makes me believe these little babies are low cal and healthy. (I’m pretty sure it’s a rule that you can’t do healthy on Thanksgiving).

I did not find anyone suggesting salmon (although I think that would be a great Thanksgiving food). Nor did I find any suggestions for pizza. Pizza makes a lot of sense since the national religion of Thanksgiving is overeating and football.

Maybe the turkeys got it right after all.

Love, Mom

The turkeys shared pizza. You can share DearKidLoveMom.

Dear Kid,

The Annual Great Pumpkin Muffin Bake has begun.

This year, since someone (not mentioning any names, but it’s you) requested 100 muffins to take back to school, there will be More Than The Usual Amount of Baking.

Last night I made 137 muffins (at which point I ran out of ingredients). Then Pi came home and 30 seconds later there were 6 muffins left. That’s why there aren’t any photos. Because there aren’t any muffins to take pix of.

Not to worry. Dad bought more ingredients and there will be more baking this week—and Pi will be given a muffin quota.

She has expressed sadness at the muffin quota.

The Puppy has also expressed sadness at the muffin quota because his quota is zero. Partly because there aren’t any muffins left, but mostly because these pumpkin muffins have raisins which is a huge canine no-no. He suggested (quite clearly) that I was more than welcome to pick out the raisins for him or—better yet—make a batch without raisins.

When I fell down on the floor laughing he licked my chin once, then went to his pillow in a huff. Apparently a nap cures all ill feeling because he’s once again my BFF.

I’m quite sure that he’ll continue supervising during the next batch of baking.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Overheard at work, a conversation between an Older Dude (and by “older” I mean he is past his twenties) and a Younger Dude (and by “younger” I mean he has yet to get to his twenties).

Older Dude: Whatcha eatin’ there?

Younger Dude: Pumpkin seeds

Older Dude: They good?

Younger Dude: Yep. They are

Older Dude: Better be careful about those

Younger Dude: Huh?

Older Dude: You know what happens when you eat those?

Younger Dude: Um, no?

Older Dude: You grow a pumpkin in your stomach

Younger Dude: Well, then I better eat them, because I’m trying to gain weight

The rest of the office cracked up.

It might have been funnier in person.

Careful what you eat today.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

In my search for Terribly Interesting Information, I have been researching pizza. Yep, I have found Bizarre Pizza facts.

Turns out Mrs. Joe Neanderthal invented pizza. She didn’t mean to. She meant to make a pie for dinner, but ran out of dough. So instead of covering it, she served it flat (she didn’t have a pie dish since they wouldn’t be invented for several thousand years) without a cover. The little Neanderthals immediately ate all of it, started watching too much TV, and began arguing about the proper way to eat a slice. Pizza was invented.

Pizza is the math of food. There is a Pizza Principle stating (with ridiculous accuracy) that the cost of a pizza has matched the cost of a NYC subway ride for over 50 years. There is the Pizza Theorem which it’s too early in the morning for me to understand (much less explain) so if you want to know more about it go check it out on Wikipedia; I can tell you that it involves the symbol pi, which seems very fitting.

Mostly there is a lot of pizza (the best of which is in NYC just a subway ride away). On average, Americans eat 46 slices of pizza a year. Professional eater Joey Chestnut set a record when he ate 40½ slices of pizza in 10 minutes. I have no idea how he eats his pizza, but I can say with confidence that if you eat that much pizza in that short a time you’re doing it wrong.

In Scotland, they deep fry pizzas. I have no words. Seriously, no words. But I may need to plan a trip to Scotland to investigate further.

36% of people consider pizza the perfect breakfast. They are correct. (But for the record I should note that it is not the only perfect breakfast.)

The world’s fastest pizza maker can make 14 pizzas in 2 minutes and 35 seconds. This seems like an abundance of efficiency to me.

Pizza is so important that NASA is developing 3D printers that can print pizzas for astronauts. My opinion on that has yet to be determined. Pizza?, yes; in space?, certainly; 3D printed?, hmmm, not sure about that yet. But then again I’ve never eaten 3D printed food.

If you’re eating pizza today (and if you hadn’t planned to, this may have changed your mind), enjoy! If you’re not eating pizza today, enjoy whatever you are eating.

Love, Mom

Which pizza lover do you know who would enjoy DearKidLoveMom.com? Spread the word! Share the pizza! Sign up for daily delivery (of the blog, not the pizza).

Dear Kid,

Did I mention the sheer quantity of food I’ve encountered in Dallas? It’s been good, but mostly there’s been an excessive amount of it.

Fortunately, the hotel has a Fitness Center. Well, more Center than fitness. Actually, more Ness than Fit.

It has perfect music—if your idea of great music to work out to is Harry Chapin and elevator jazz.

Despite the now-it’s-working-now-it’s-not aspect of the elliptical, I managed to get a decent workout in.

And by “decent” I mean I burned at least 87 calories.

Did I mention the abundance of food? I figure I ate at least 8,700 calories today. Before we went out for dinner.

So clearly, working out made a huge difference.

I probably lost at least 3 pounds, right?

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

I am on my way to Dallas.

Dallas, Texas, that is. Turns out there are 5 or 6 (depending on which website you check) cities in other states with the name Dallas, not to mention a few counties, and at least one very important guiding eyes dog.

Dallas is the 9^th largest city in the US. It was once part of Mexico, and then from 1836 to 1846 it was part of the sovereign country the Republic of Texas. Mostly it’s part of the state of sports (primarily football, but we’ll get to that), We Do Things Big Here, and weird stuff.

It is illegal to modify the weather in Dallas unless you warn residents via local newspaper. It is also illegal to fish using electric shock.

We’ll be flying in to the DFW (Dallas/Fort Worth) airport which is bigger than Manhattan Island and may or may not be home to the world’s largest parking lot. We will not be sprinting from the gate to the car rental and we will allow plenty of time to hike to the gate on our way home Friday.

German chocolate cake was invented by Sam German of Baker’s Chocolate Company. The recipe first appeared in the Dallas Morning Star in 1957. The cake is named after the inventor not the country.

Dallas was founded in 1839, by John Neely Bryan, a lawyer from Tennessee, who wandered into the area and decided to start a metropolis (20 streets).

At the State Fair of Texas (also known by me as the Fried State Fair) you can purchase fried beer, fried Coke, and fried Cadbury Creme Eggs. There is a 52 foot Big Tex statue at the entrance of the fair. Makes you want to buy a ticket right now, doesn’t it?

Dallas is known for oil, although there aren’t any oil wells in the city.

Dallas has a zoo which was founded in 1888 with two mountain lions and two deer. It’s a lot bigger now (both the city and the zoo).

According to Fortune magazine’s marketing research, more popcorn is consumed in Dallas-Fort Worth than anywhere else.

Dallas is known for invention and industry (in addition to oil). The frozen margarita machine was invented there (it was a repurposed soft ice cream machine), the integrated circuit computer chip was invented there (not frozen), and the ATM was invented there by someone who was tired of waiting in bank lines. Clearly, the modern world would not be possible without Dallas.

A piece of cake from President Wilson’s daughter’s wedding is built into the Woodrow Wilson High School’s cornerstone.

Where there is oil and margaritas, there is shopping, and Dallas has a lot (and by “a lot” I mean more places to shop per capita than anywhere else in the world). The first planned shopping center in America was developed in Dallas in 1931. At one end of the shopping scale, 7-Eleven was founded in Dallas; at the other end, Neiman Marcus opened there.

The Dallas Cowboys were originally known as the Dallas Steers. The name was quickly changed, however, when the team’s general manager decided he didn’t want a castrated mascot.

And sports. Texas sports. Dallas Mavericks, Dallas Cowboys, Dallas Hams (the original name of the professional baseball team), Dallas Stars (hockey), Texas Rangers, FC Dallas (soccer), and countless minor league/college/high school/club/misc teams. Lots and lots of sports. But mostly football.

And for the next few days, me.

Love, Mom