Dear Kid,

I played soccer yesterday. And I was awesome.

Now before you begin thinking up snarky responses, let me clarify.

Pi, Dad, and I went to the soccer field yesterday. Pi wanted to practice tricky moves and needed two live bodies to practice around. Guess who provided one of the bodies.

This is exactly what I didn't look like playing soccer.

Turns out I am a natural for standing where I’m told to stand on a soccer field.

Seriously, you would have been crazy impressed.

I even managed to get the ball away from her. Once.

I celebrated. Dad and Pi laughed. I did not get a yellow card for excessive celebration.

Then I was promoted to ball-kicker. It was my job to kick the ball to Pi and her job to get it around Dad.

Once again, I executed my athletic duties with accuracy, timeliness, and amazing modesty.

Finally, it was my job to throw the ball in the vicinity of Pi’s feet. I say vicinity since there was a lack of clarity on the part of the direction-giver. But I finally got the hang of it. And then Pi kicked the ball in Dad’s face.

Fortunately, she didn’t kick it hard, so there were no emergency room runs.

I plan to announce my retirement from soccer later today amid great fanfare, a major press conference, and sobs from Pi. At least when she isn’t laughing at me.

Love, Mom