Dear Kid,
Rumor has it you are in the middle of a tough week, liberally peppered with exams. Since I can’t help at all with the subjects you’re studying (sorry), I thought I might help by providing you with a small moment of Important Education in Other Matters.
Not So Important Facts You Won’t Learn During Exam Week
Scientists say the higher your I.Q. the more you dream. Clearly, I am a genius because I dream regularly. And I have really weird dreams.
The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razorblades. This is not a good reason to eat a razor blade. It is a good reason to wonder what your stomach is made out of that it can take all that acid.
It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. It takes even less time to attach to your hips. Unless you’re a boy-type person in which case you’ve probably burned off more calories just by chewing.
Your thumb is approximately the same size as your nose. I have no idea why that might be useful information, but it gives a slightly different slant to the phrase “thumb one’s nose at.”
A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s. Especially when James Bond walks into the room. Or when she is in the presence of great shoes.
When Heinz ketchup leaves the bottle, it travels at a rate of 25 miles per year. Clearly, that is when the bottle is newly opened, because the ketchup at the end of the bottle travels at a (scientifically proven) speed of not-at-all. Until you whack the bottom of the bottle and it all goes flying out on your new white shirt.
The worlds oldest piece of chewing gum is 9,000 years old. This is obviously not true, because even the worst housekeeper would find a piece of chewing gum that old and throw it out. Even I don’t have dust that is 9,000 years old. Although some of the dust dragons are getting close.
Good luck this week, kiddo.
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