Dear Kid,

Makeup can be hard to understand.

I don’t know if you noticed, but I didn’t wear any makeup over the Thanksgiving break. I didn’t even bring any makeup with me on our trip. I figured the family has seen me without “assistance” before, and it would be a good break. Also, I really needed the extra 6 hours of sleep.

I bet you thought the makeup would have rested nicely while we were gone and just start up as if nothing had happened.

You’d be wrong.

Disastrously wrong.

My foundations started things off with the foundation of the protest. It glopped. It smudged. It refused to smooth itself out, instead keeping all its particles grouped together for warmth and safety.

My eyeliner scampered about like a hungry cocker spaniel puppy. To be fair, it’s a newish eyeliner (very pretty color called Topaz), but we’d had the scampering under control before Bird Day. And like a new puppy, it pooped on my eyelid. Small break for cleanup.

My eyeshadow pranced around like the Lipizzaner stallions (you don’t know about them? Remind me), marching in unison but showing off unexpected moves here and there.

And then there was mascara.

In general, if something bad is going to happen with makeup, you can bet that it’s either blush or mascara. Or both. (You get one guess.)

Not only does black mascara look bad when it smears all over the place, it has the effect of dumping arsenic into water. Which is to say “scorched earth.” You just have to suck it up (swear a bit) and start the whole darn makeup thing over.

And then try to figure out how to explain to your colleagues why you’re late for work.

Love, Mom

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