Dear Kid,

As I believe I mentioned, the fabulous Girlfriendology is moving to a new home (one substantially closer to me—so yay!). I therefore started thinking about housewarming presents. I had this same problem the last time she moved (here’s the link in case you don’t remember). Finding the right gift hasn’t gotten any easier…

First I thought of the obvious: coffee with me! But since she is (did I mention?) moving closer, I’m pretty sure that’s going to happen sooner or later.

So I consulted My Friend the Internet for thoughts on more traditional housewarming gifts.

“Candles…so your house will always have light.” Girlfriendology has more candles in her house than a menorah farm (no, I’ve never seen a menorah farm, but I have an active imagination); it would be like bringing coals to Newcastle.

Warning: Knowledge Alert!

“Carrying coals to Newcastle” is a thing. More to the point it is a cliché. Newcastle upon Tyne (I do love how the British name their towns) in northeast England was a huge coal mining town. The idea of taking coal there would have to be something created by the Department of Redundancy Department Department. Totally unnecessary and pointless. Like taking chocolate to Hershey, PA only with more emphasis on pollution and less on calories.

“Salt…to add to the flavor of life.” Salt. Salt? Seriously? Have you read a health article recently?

“Bread…so that this house may never know hunger.” Carbs. Yeah. Right. Brilliant.

“Sugar…so your life may always have sweetness.” Quite possibly only the most addictive substance on the planet and you want me to give it to a friend? Next idea.

“Honey…” Same symbology as sugar. Same chemical issue. Better packaging.

“Broom…to sweep away any evil.” The thought of me giving anyone a cleaning implement made me double over laughing.

“Wine…so you will always be of good cheer.” Two Buck Chuck doesn’t sound like a great gift idea. And Girlfriendology knows far more about wine than I do.

Coffee with me it is!

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Last night I represented Girlfriendology.com at the gathering called MyChateau.

The event was at the Malton Gallery which is one of those places I drive by and swear I am going to find a time to go in to and never have until  last night. My opinion? I am DEFINITELY going back sometime when I can really look at the amazing art they have.

We were greeted at the door by security—I HAD MY ID CHECKED. I can’t remember the last time anyone asked if I was old enough for a glass of wine. After I got past the ID checker and the guest list checker and the Head Guest List Checker and the people counter, I was given a glass of wine (wine glass was mine to keep—its contents were mine to enjoy).

Not only did they have hors d’oeuvres (little bitty things that probably had about a thousand calories a piece and were utterly delicious), wine, and chocolate (chosen to go with the wine)—they had people giving chair massages. YUM! Sitting in the chair letting Melissa the Massage Genius soothe away the day was an excellent vantage point from which to evaluate the shoes of everyone who walking by. No one had purple patent leather pumps (then again, I wasn’t wearing mine last night either). They also had a photo booth (of which I did not partake) and music (which was not optional).

I met a few people, mingled a little, and left in plenty of time to get home before I turned into a pumpkin.

Tonight is football away against Lakota West (which really isn’t that far away). Weather.com is predicting a lovely evening so I shall plan to drive a sled and wear mukluks.

Love, Mom