Dear Kid,

A 15” beagle (did you know beagles came in sizes?) named Miss P won the Westminster Dog Show last night.

Puppy: Princess Pea?
Me: Different story. That one involved soup
Puppy: The Princess and the Pea?
Me: Yet another story. That one involved mattresses

Miss P looked like she was having a grand old time. She is only the second beagle to ever have won the show in its 139 year history (second longest held sporting event in the US—any guess what the oldest is?). Perhaps only the judge of the Best In Show class had a better time.

Puppy: Did I win?
Me: You weren’t there
Puppy: Would I have won if I’d been there?

I decide “yes” is a completely truthful answer. Since there is nothing purebred about the puppy (and he’s far too old for a show dog) the only way he will ever be at Westminster is if I dream about it—and if it’s my dream of course he’ll win.

In some ways I loved watching Westminster. The dogs are dang cute and shows like this are the only place I get to see some of these breed.

On the other hand, I’m a little conflicted. There aren’t too many purebred show dogs in rescue centers and shelters and I’m a huge fan of rescue babies.

Puppy: I’m a rescue baby, right?
Me: Yes, you most certainly are

Miss P is being retired from shows in order to breed. See my above comment about shelters and too many dogs without forever homes.

Then I read that Miss P’s owner has never met her. I find that very sad.

On the other hand, Miss P seemed perfectly happy doing what she was doing and being the center of the dog world.

Love, Mom

The longest running sporting event is the Kentucky Derby

Dear Kid,

So much celebration this weekend!

Yesterday was Pi Day (a day I hope you celebrated with 3.14 times the excitement of other days). It was also National Popcorn Day (it’s OK to celebrate today if you didn’t get to it yesterday).

Today is the Ides of March (watch your back), Incredible Kid Day (as every day should be), and Everything You Think is Wrong Day (as no day should be). Tonight is the start of Purim (which has better food than Everything You Think Is Wrong Day.) And the continuation of We Are Going To Get This House Cleaned Up Day Weekend Week Month Year Whatever.

Tomorrow is Everything You Do is Right Day–I’m not sure how that’s different from most days of the year (I’m a mom, after all) but what the heck–enjoy.

Monday is St. Patrick’s Day. Break out the Green t-shirt (I still need a picture) but please don’t pinch anyone not obviously drenched in green. Tis just Not Done now that you’re in college.

Tuesday you might want to nap because Wednesday is National Poultry Day. Then Thursday is Extraterrestrial Abductions Day and we all know that’s bound to be a Big Day for all.

Do not ask where some of these less well known holidays come from. I don’t have a clue. I didn’t make them up (more’s the pity) but they’re on the internet, so they must be important.

Especially National Popcorn Day.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

December 12^th was Quite a day in history. And, being the kind of mother I am, I have decided to try to make some sense out of it for you. (I am such a good mom.)

In 1408 The Order of the Dragon was first created. This is important since the Dust Dragons are direct decedents of the Order and believe it is their dust-given right to overtake any place they want to overtake. Since I am a better blogger than a housekeeper, mostly I don’t argue. Mostly.

Fast forward to 1787 when Pennsylvania became 2nd state to ratify US Constitution, paving the way for We The People to become a country.

Speaking of We The People, on December 12, 1800, Washington DC was established as the capital of US so that many, many years later Auntie M could go to college there. Many years.

Then in 1914, many People tried to fly out of windows on Wall Street because of the largest one-day percentage drop in the history of Dow Jones Industrial Average, down 24.39%. Note: They did not master the art of flying before hitting the pavement.

Musically speaking, in 1792, Ludwig Von Beethoven received his 1st lesson in music composition from Franz Joseph Haydn. Ludwig was 22 at the time. You know why this is important, right? How could we have Peanuts and Snoopy without Schroeder playing Beethoven?

A lot of sports things happened on December 12^th (which is odd because I don’t usually think of December 12^th as a big sports day. But it was, so pay attention, because We, The People are big sports fans).

In 1899 George F Bryant of Boston patented the wooden golf tee, paving the way for using golf tees for all sorts of things, even golf.

In 1930, the Baseball Rules Committee greatly revised the rule book. Pretty much no one noticed. On the same day in 1949, the American League voted 7-1 rejecting legalizing the spitball. The lone dissenter spit on the decision.

In 1953, Chuck Yeager reached Mach 2.43. I don’t know if that really counts as sport, but it paved the way for the movie The Right Stuff which is a Most Excellent film.

Speaking of excellent movies, in 1965 Gale Sayers of Chicago Bears scored 6 TDs, tying the NFL record, paving the way (quite indirectly) for the movie Brian’s Song which is not only Most Excellent but is also one of the all-time Tear Jerkers.

In 1968 Arthur Ashe became the 1st black to be ranked #1 in tennis. Yep, he was that good.

And perhaps most importantly, in 1981 Wayne Gretzky scored the quickest 50th goal (game 39).

Here are a bunch of random bits of December 12^th history:

In 1901 Italian physicist and radio pioneer Guglielmo Marconi succeeded in sending the first radio transmission across the Atlantic Ocean, disproving detractors who told him that the curvature of the earth would limit transmission to 200 miles or less. This historic message was Morse code for the letter “s” rendering the whole event fairly obscure in history. Take a lesson from Alex Bell and be memorable if you’re going to do something historic.

On December 12, 1913 Hebrew was officially introduced as the language for teaching in Palestinian schools. Tov!

In 1925, Mr. Arthur Heinman coined term “motel” and opened the Motel Inn in San Luis Obispo, CA. I think it’s pretty cool to be known almost a century later for having invented a word and a concept. I hope to be known as the mother of the child who invented the word “oversplode” (among other things).

And for a Cincinnati fact, on December 12, 1946 Tide detergent was introduced. Happy Birthday, Tide!

I The Mom hope your day is equally eventful,

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

We love you very much.

Just thought I’d mention it.

Love, Mom

Wake up! This might even be interesting!

Dear Kid,

Sometimes it’s worth knowing things you never thought you’d need to know.

By the skin of your teeth means a very narrow escape.

The phrase first appears in English in the Geneva Bible, 1560, in Job 19:20, which provides a literal translation of the original Hebrew:

“I haue escaped with the skinne of my tethe.” Which clearly proves that not everything in Bible should be taken literally including spelling.

Teeth don’t have skin. They don’t have hair either, yet we still brush them. The English language is a funny thing. The writer may have been referring to the teeth’s surface or simply to the idea of minute measure. We will never know for sure, because dead men don’t tell tales.

Under no circumstances will you misuse this phrase and say “the skin on my teeth.” Yup. Heard that the other day.

Teeth don’t have skin but noses do.

It’s no skin off my nose.

This is a phrase that originated in the boxing community, a place well known for frequently removing skin from noses (and occasionally removing noses from faces). It basically means “That’s not my concern” or in today’s vernacular “Not my problem, dude.”

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

Seriously. That is the correct phrase going all the way back to the 1600s. And pretty much the only way the phrase makes sense. But no one actually says the whole thing so saying it sounds a little silly. First of all, the “pudding” being referred to has nothing to do with the yummy dessert stuff. It was actually a mix of meats (like the inside of a sausage), and if it wasn’t cooked correctly was a fabulous way to make a lot of people sick. Or dead. So proving (or proofing) the pudding was ok meant to taste it (to be sure your guests would be alive for the dessert course).

These days, people often say, “the proof is in the pudding” which doesn’t make a lot of sense once you understand the whole phrase. It turns out that the correct shortened form of the phrase is “the proof of the pudding.” But that sounds silly (imho). My suggestion is to avoid the cliché altogether and come up with something more original.

Have a great day, kiddo.

Love, Mom