Dear Kid,

Many, many years ago we had a mulberry tree in our backyard (now we have a mulberry tree stump, but I’ll get to that).

The mulberry tree had branches that reached from the back of the yard practically to the house. Dad wanted to cut the branches, but I convinced him not to. During the mid to late summer, the squirrels used those branches as their personal grocery store. They would come waaaay out on the branches and reach for the farthest, hardest to reach, presumably yummiest berries. It was jungle gym and produce section in one.

It was serious fun to watch.

Then we had to cut the tree down because it was dying and unsafe.

The squirrels adapted by trying to do triple gainers from other trees to reach the birdfeeder.

This pleased no one except the squirrels.

As I’m writing this, the squirrels are frolicking in the yard. Seriously, frolicking, as they try to figure out how to get their next meal.

We now have tree whose branches have grown far enough out that I can watch the little dudes up close from my chair on the porch.

They spend a lot of time under the birdfeeder encouraging their avian friends to throw down a respectable tithe.

And they are plotting.

It’s obvious as they pause on a tree trunk or branch that they are engaging in Highly Advanced Physics calculations trying to determine if they can Make The Leap from their location to the birdfeeder.

So far the answer is no, which pleases the squirrels not at all but the humans and birds are happy.

As for the stump, it still sits in the yard. And the squirrels haven’t forgotten it. yesterday, one of them paused on the stump, leaning over the edge, to watch other squirrels play/fight/frolic. Stump as lounge chair.

Très cute.

Hope you have some time to frolic today.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Overheard at work, a conversation between an Older Dude (and by “older” I mean he is past his twenties) and a Younger Dude (and by “younger” I mean he has yet to get to his twenties).

Older Dude: Whatcha eatin’ there?

Younger Dude: Pumpkin seeds

Older Dude: They good?

Younger Dude: Yep. They are

Older Dude: Better be careful about those

Younger Dude: Huh?

Older Dude: You know what happens when you eat those?

Younger Dude: Um, no?

Older Dude: You grow a pumpkin in your stomach

Younger Dude: Well, then I better eat them, because I’m trying to gain weight

The rest of the office cracked up.

It might have been funnier in person.

Careful what you eat today.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

I spent yesterday engaged in the Dandelion Eviction Campaign (Get Out of This Planting Bed). Things were down and dirty when I managed to capture one of the leaders of the Elite Front Yard Dandelion Squad. Being an excellent interrogator (I threatened him with RoundUp), I learned a great deal about the Dandelion Lifestyle. I am sharing this with you just in case you are ever reincarnated as a dandelion. I’m just that kind of mom.

Transcript from Dandelion Interview

What’s your name?

Can I have a drink of water?

No

Please?

Your name.

Dandelion 2,365,778,986. Cubed. Now can I have a drink?

Maybe of RoundUp.

I think that’s against the Chemical Weapons Convention.

Start talking.

Sure. But I have a muddy mouth.

Skip the transcript.

Summary of Conversation with a Dandelion

Being a successful dandelion is all about location, location, location.

• When you’re a seed, be sure to pick a good location.
• Choose a spot that is near other, older weeds. The longer they’ve been around the longer you’re likely to be around. Also if someone is trying to dig out weeds they’ll be tired by the time they get to you.
• Pick a yard where people get rid of weeds by digging rather than by spraying. Spray goes deep. People are not deep. Digging often leaves part of a tap root.
• When possible, locate in clay. It’s more work for you to get your roots in initially, but it’s almost impossible for anyone to dig you out.

Get your tap root set.

• Send your tap root down as far as you can. When you get to the other side of the world, poke through and tie a knot.
• Set your tap root under big roots and under large rocks. Like boulders. Give an evil laugh when people try to dig you out and split their spleen. Mwah-ha-ha-ha.
• Most humans have a finite amount of weed-digging in them. If you’re near other weeds, chances are they’ll be tired by the time they get to you.

Grow a family.

• Send out seeds in all directions. If you’re smart you’ll let different seeds go at different times. (Don’t fret about the babies—they have little parachutes to ensure a soft landing.)
• Suggest that a few seeds stay close to home. It’s always nice to have family nearby, and they’ll be around to take care of you if someone picks your leaves. (Some people think dandelion leaves are a great delicacy.) But realize that many sees will be carries 5 or more miles away. And dandelions do not generally have cell phones.
• Pop your seeds up just before the lawn mower comes around. The mower will send them flying which will give your seeds a great start in life.
• Since dandelions have one of the longest flowering seasons of any plant, rinse and repeat.

Dandelion Factoids

The word dandelion comes from the Old French “Dent-de-lion” which means lion’s tooth. I am flower hear me roar? I think not.

Getting to the root of the problem (ha), dandelions originated in Asia where they are used as both food and medicine. Dandelions are still often used for salads, tea, and as an ingredient in root beer. (I kid you not.)

Dandelions probably arrived in North America on the Mayflower – not as stowaways, but brought on purpose for their medicinal benefits. Something else we can thank the Pilgrims for.

Up until the 1800s, people would pull grass out of their lawns to make room for dandelions and other useful “weeds” like chickweed, malva, and chamomile. The people of the 1800s would love our lawn.

Dandelion Propaganda

The dandelion spent a lot of time repeating propaganda about the weeds (like insisting they aren’t weeds).

Dandelions, he insisted, are good for the lawn. Their roots loosen soil, aerate the earth, and reduce erosion. I pointed out that pretty much all plants do that. He went on to insist that their deep taproot pulls nutrients from deep in the soil making them available to other plants. Being a professional interrogator, I managed not to laugh out loud.

Dandelions, my captive told me, are fast growers, going from bud to seed in days. They are also can live for years. Their root sinks deeper each year and can go down 15 feet or more. Even a one-inch bit of dandelion root can grow a whole new dandelion. He was bragging, that captive of mine. I tried to explain that from my point of view none of these were good qualities to have.

Seeing I would get no further information from him, I threw the dandelion in the garbage. Being the kind of survivor weed that he is, I have great faith he will sprout and grow in the landfill.

The story goes that if you catch a flying dandelion seed, you can make a wish. The story does not say anything about your wish coming true.

Hope all your wishes come true today, with or without a dandelion seed.

Love, Mom