Dear Kid,

Patience Young grasshopper DearKidLoveMom.comOf all the interesting celebrity on-again-off-again relationships, the one that interests me the most right now is SnapChat and Facebook. The current rumor is that the two of them aren’t even dating as SnapChat reportedly turned down $3Billion (yeah, that’s Billion with a “B”. Capitalized.) to go steady with Facebook. Personally, I think they are both too young to be dating, but what do I know.

I’m typing with one hand while I sit on the floor with Booker. He’s decided he needs some attention, and every time I stop scratching he give me Pathetic Puppy Pose. Then he nudges my hand to say Why are you stopping? Back to work, mom. Since I’m pretty sure that by “work” he means rubbing his tummy, I am typing single-handedly.

A few days before the snow storm (and by “storm” I mean the quarter of an inch of snow that didn’t melt), Booker found a brown grasshopper out front. I suspect he (the grasshopper) was injured, but not being an Orthoptera (I looked it up) specialist, I can’t be sure. To be honest, I thought it was a big cricket, but dad assures me it was a grasshopper. Anyway, Booker found the Bug and decided to see if they could become BFFs.

He poked it with his nose, and the hopper hopped! That was so much fun, Booker thought he’d try it again. Same result! Do you know how many ways a dogs ears can move? Booker moved his in all those ways simultaneously when the grasshopper jumped. Astonishment doesn’t even come close.

After a careful sniff (one must always start with a good sniff), Booker pawed his new little buddy. Not knowing the secret handshake, the grasshopper jumped. Booker looked up at me to see if I approved of Handshake Avoidance. I told him he was on his own in the animal kingdom. We began the dance again. This time, after a careful sniff (one must always start with a good sniff), Booker picked up his new toy to carry it to the other side of the driveway. After he spit out the grasshopper, I decided the poor bug had had enough for one day and the puppy and I went inside.

We repeated this on our next walk. See what I mean about the grasshopper probably being injured? Booker sees it as his job to be Friends with Most Things Smaller Than He Is, but how dumb can a grasshopper possibly be to stick around and be slobbered all over? On the other hand, the grasshopper didn’t become a mid-morning snack for any of the birds around here, so maybe he liked swimming in puppy drool. What do I know about grasshopper fetishes? After a few days, we didn’t see the grasshopper anymore and there was no forwarding address so I cannot say what the end of the story might be.

Do you think there’s a parallel between Booker and the Grasshopper and Facebook and SnapChat? The idea of Facebook drooling on SnapChat is slightly revolting…

Have a great day, sweetheart. Try not to slobber on any of your friends.

Love, Mom

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The Young Grasshopper reference is from the original Kung Fu television show. But you probably knew that…