Dear Kid,

Once upon a time, there was no such thing as macaroni and cheese. Hundreds of thousands of college students went hungry for lack of a blue box. Some of them ate ramen noodles. Most of them just drank beer and pretended to go to class.

Then in the early 1900s someone figured out how to create that amazing American invention: processed cheese food.

FACT:  Any food that actually has the word “food” in its name is not actually food.

So there was James Lewis Kraft, scrolling through his newsfeed, when he came across the idea of extending the shelf life of creating processed cheese. Then he made it magically delicious by adding macaroni and a blue box. In 1937, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese sold for 19 cents a box and enabled families to eat during the Depression.

Food needs during the Depression and during college are remarkably similar: dirt cheap, easy to make, inexpensive, minimal refrigeration required, and lack-of-budget-friendly. Ta-Da! Mac and cheese.

Not only is it cheap, it tastes good and glows like a flashlight. What more could you ask for?

What’s your favorite way to eat mac and cheese?

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Apparently (and by “apparently” I mean “oops”) I published yesterday’s blog without the link to the French fry video, so here it is: click here for French fry April Fool ad.

Speaking of fast food, did I tell you about the Big Mac Museum?

It’s so ridiculous, it’s awesome.

The Big Mac Museum is inside an actual Mickey D restaurant just outside of Pittsburgh.

There is a big Big Mac

And the world’s largest Big Mac.

Not to mention a plethora of Big Mac memorabilia.

Which is fantastic if you like things like that.

For those of us who happened to stop at the Big Mac Museum on our way from Here to There, it was an awesome rest stop. (Even though none of us had a Mac, big or otherwise.)

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s National Blood Pressure Month.

Unfortunately, it’s also soccer season and hockey playoffs which means your father will not be participating in National Blood Pressure Month in the normal keep-your-blood-pressure down tradition.

It’s also National Barbecue Month and National Hamburger Month and National Salad Month.

I’m not sure these things are as well coordinated as they might be.

In other news, Starbucks has a new mini Frappuccino (only 4 billion calories of caffeinated brain freeze) and McDonald’s is serving kale at select locations.

Yep, you heard me. Mickey D is serving kale.

(I’ll give you a moment for that to settle in.)

The golden arches is testing kale in breakfast bowl. In Southern California. Because everyone goes to McD thinking “Hmmm….Egg McMuffin or Quinoa and Kale?”

Except for the alliteration (which I like a lot) the idea of Quinoa and Kale at McDonald’s does nothing for me. I take that back—it makes me slightly queasy, but other than that, nothing.

In case you’re in a betting sort of mood, you can be safe in betting that Girlfriendology and I will not be hopping a plane to Southern California to test the new food offering.

Enjoy lots of new taste and try lots of new things on your trip. (You are not required to try fast food kale if you don’t want to.)

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

According to the latest research, teenagers’ bonds with their parents affect their sleep.

Duh.

If you don’t have a good bond with your parents, you’d be up all night worrying about the lack of bond. And that’s a kind of bond Crazy Glue won’t fix.

The research did not discuss the impact of deadlines, finals, study sessions, interesting sporting events, parties down the hall, important phone calls texts from friends, 8 am classes, unexpected fire drills, or snoring roommates on sleeping, so in my opinion it is flawed research at best.

In other news, McDonald’s had an employee website (McResources—seriously) which provided all sorts of “helpful” information to Mickey D’s employees. Like how much to tip au pairs and fitness trainers (um, really? These folks work at McDonalds. Don’t think they can afford a fitness trainer or an au pair.). Recently (as in a few days ago) the site carefully explained to employees that eating fast food wasn’t a particularly healthy choice. Rumor has it that Ronald lost it and so the company pulled down the entire website. Ya’ think?

Happy Thursday.

Love, Mom