My arms got fat during the night. Specifically, my right arm got fat during the night.
Not a bug bite, not swollen, just fat.
My arms, which looked quasi-normal last night, look Quasimodo this morning.
Me: Do my arms look fat?
Me: Do my arms look fat to you?
Dad (without looking up): You’re gorgeous
Me: Seriously, do my arms look fat to you?
Dad (sensing landmines): Gotta go walk the Puppy
Me: He was walked and fed an hour ago! Coward.
Dad (under his breath): You betcha
Me: My arm muscles are drooping and you’re evading the issue
The next sound was that of the door closing as he escaped the house.
I went back to the mirror. It lies all the time, but at least it doesn’t have the option of leaving the conversation.
Mirror, mirror on the wall…
The mirror smirked. Showing great restraint, I did not throw a shoe at the mirror. I value my shoes too much. And I’m not sure my enormous arms would have let me.
I called my friend Bev.
Me: I think each of my arms gained 20 pounds overnight
Bev: I hate when that happens. I have racoons in my chimney
I have great friends.
Amazingly, my clothes fit fine. I glared at the mirror. It continued to smirk as I left the room.
You do not have a mirror that lies to you and smirks about it.
See how easy your life is?