Dear Kid,

Reasonable people do not get up in the morning and think “I’ll go make a big mess in the kitchen this morning.” Most reasonable people get up in the morning and think “Coffee. Now.”

Most reasonable messes do not get up in the morning and say “Today is the day I will splatter myself on some unsuspecting soul’s kitchen.” Most reasonable messes get up in the morning and think “Coffee. Now.”

Because everyone is pursuing caffeine with a determined single-mindedness, things tend to work out ok.

Most of the time.

Because most of the time Distraction can’t be bothered to get up that early. Its alarm clock goes off, but rather than getting up, Distraction rolls over and goes back to sleep.

Most of the time.

Occasionally Distraction and a grumpy mess meet at the coffee maker. Distraction and the entire Mess side of the family don’t get on well under the best of circumstances. And pre-caffeine is not—by anyone’s definition—the best of circumstances.

When a Distraction and a grumpy mess meet pre-caffeine, there is a lot of elbowing. There is shoving. There is “Stop looking at me!” This can lead to coffee grounds falling in places where they won’t get turned into coffee.

If they aren’t told to Stop It NOW And I Mean It! and sent to their rooms to settle down, things can get downright ugly. And by “downright ugly” I mean someone might get thoroughly distracted and forget to put a coffee cup under the Keurig.

Do you know what happens when you forget to put a cup under the Keurig? Nothing if you forget to turn the Keurig on.

I didn’t forget that part.

Distraction and the mess are currently sitting in the corner snickering and refusing to help me clean up.

Hope your day is off to a good start.

Love, Mom