Dear Kid,

Mom went upstairs for a bit and I’ve taken over the computer.

We have A Problem and I think you need to get involved.

Are you paying attention? Because this is a Big Issue. I’ve tried my best to solve it, but I am only a puppy and I don’t seem to be able to convince her We Have Problems.

Earlier today, People walked by in the street. I barked and barked and all Mom said was, “Shhh.” She didn’t investigate, she didn’t call the police, she didn’t Do Anything.

Then there was a chipmunk in the garage. I sniffed and snorted and pointed and showed her exactly were the rodent hiding spaces are and do you know what she said? Do you know? She said (and I’m quoting her exactly here), “Into the house with you.” Into the house with me? Without addressing the interloper issues?

This is—in my expert opinion—irresponsible house ownership. Something must be done. The keys must be taken. The authorities must be alerted! We cannot have Strangers Walking By without sufficient alarm systems. We cannot have animals living here that don’t pay rent.

(Pi: You don’t pay rent.
(Puppy: I don’t?
(Pi: Nope.)

We cannot have animals living here that don’t have a collar and their own crate!

Please fix this Situation!

She’s your mother.

Love, Puppy

Puppy Writes Today’s Letter While Mom Sleeps

Puppy Writes Today’s Blog