Dear Kid,
Me: Time for a walk
Puppy: Yay! I love walks….wait, it’s raining.
Me: Yup.
Puppy: A lot.
Me: Yup. Come on.
Puppy: I am not a water dog.
Me: I understand.
Puppy: I am not happy about this situation.
Me: It’s just rain.
Puppy: I will walk under the umbrella with you.
Me: You are a spoiled puppy.
Puppy: Want to play?
Me: Sure bring me a toy.
Puppy: I’m chewing on the toy.
Me: I can’t throw it for you if you don’t bring it to me.
Puppy: It’s important chewing.
Me: OK. I have other things to do.
Puppy: Why don’t you want to play with me?
Me: Stop poking me please.
Puppy: Scratch my head.
Me: I’m eating dinner.
Puppy: You finished a while ago.
Me: I’m still at the table….please stop poking me.
Puppy: Scratch my head?
Me: You’re very sweet, but I’m at the table.
Puppy: Please?
Me: Are you going to keep poking me?
Puppy: Not if you scratch my head.
Puppy: Want to see my tummy?
Me: Sure….oh, that’s a very nice tummy.
Puppy: How about you rub my tummy?
Me: I’m sitting in the chair.
Puppy: So?
Me: You’re way down there on the floor.
Puppy: uh, huh.
Me: I can’t reach your tummy.
Puppy: You can come down here.
Me: Not right now.
Puppy: But it’s my TUMMY and it needs to be rubbed.
Puppy: What are you doing?
Me: Planting seeds.
Puppy: No, you’re digging.
Me: Well, yes, to plant the seeds.
Puppy: I’m not supposed to dig.
Me: You don’t plant seeds.
Puppy: Want some help?
Me: Well, sure.
Puppy (sniffs): Smells like dirt. I’m going to take a nap in the sun. Let me know if you need more help.
Puppy: THERE IS AN INTRUDER!
Me: I heard the doorbell, thank you.
Puppy: ALERT! ALERT! DON’T WORRY, MOM! I GOT THIS! LEMME AT ‘EM!
Me: It’s just a delivery.
Puppy: IT’S AN OUTSIDER! I’LL RIP HIM APART! I’LL PROTECT YOU! DON’T WORRY! ALERT! ALERT!
Me: Really, baby, it’s ok.
Puppy: I AM A HUGE PACK OF RABID DOGS! I WILL TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB!
Me: You are a small puppy who wouldn’t hurt a fly. Say hello nicely.
Puppy: Hello new person. Want to see my toy?
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