How to Tell the Difference Between Cows and College Students

Dear Kid,

You may not have noticed, but there is a great deal of confusion in the world today.

I will leave it to others (and by “others” I mean not me) to attempt to unconfused the little problems like global warming, pollution, and why there are no good TV shows on Friday night.

I want to tackle the big confusion of the day. The pressing problem that leaves people scratching their heads and stroking their beards (the ones left over from November and Thank Goodness most of those have been shaved off).

So without further ado, here are Some A Bunch Count ‘Em Yourself Several Ways to Tell the Difference Between College Students and Cows.

Most people think that cows have four stomachs. That’s actually not true. They have just one stomach with four chambers. College students also only have one stomach. They just eat enough to fill four.

Moos aren’t the only sound cows make! Calves make a sound called bawling, while bulls bellow. College students make a lot of different sounds, some of which are even slightly more intelligible than bawling or bellowing.

Cows can live more than 20 years. Sometimes college students feel they age 20 years during finals week.

The average domestic cow sleeps only about four hours a day. The average college students only sleeps about four hours a day during exams. At all other times, the average college student is awake only about four hours a day.

Cows can walk up a flight of stairs, but once there, they can’t walk back down. Their knees just don’t bend the right way. Under certain circumstances, the same can be said for college students. Cows end up stuck. College students usually solve the problem by falling down the stairs.

Cows can’t vomit. College students can. And frequently prove it.

The typical cow stands up and sits down about 14 times a day. Don’t ask me to explain this one as I’ve never seen a cow sit. I have seen college students sit.

An average dairy cow weighs about 1,200 pounds, the same as an average college linebacker.

The average cow drinks 30 to 50 gallons of water each day. This is more than most college students guzzle. Of any beverage.

Now you know.

Love, Mom

As a reminder, you already know Udderly Weird Facts About Cows