Dear Kid,

I’m sorry. But I need to hijack this space for a moment.

Dear World,

IT’S AUGUST. Summer. End of Summer. Back to school. Perhaps even pre-fall.

It is NOT (emphasis on NOT) Halloween.

It’s not even pre-Halloween.

So what is with all the ghosts, goblins, and pumpkins?

No one (trust me—I took a completely unscientific poll of absolutely everyone [and by “absolutely everyone” I mean the three people I was talking to over coffee]) has ever been happy when Christmas shows up before Halloween, and even fewer (I threw that in to confuse the math and English lit majors) are pleased with Halloween showing up so early.

Halloween is supposed to be the trusty little holiday with little kids dressed up like their favorite superhero of the moment, trekking through miles of neighborhood begging for candy like the little calorie-deprived darlings they are.

The only fussing we’re supposed to do is whine about how we’ve eaten all the candy we bought and now we have to go out and buy more before the kids come knocking and then we’ll eat half of the candy our own kids collect. Halloween is the reason gym membership goes up in January.

So, World. Please put away the Halloween decorations. Pack up the ghosts and goblins and superheroes for a few weeks. Let us enjoy the last few weeks of Summer.

Or pre-fall.

Love, Mom