Dear Kid,

It’s NATIONAL CHOCOLATE DAY!!!!

And yes, National Chocolate Day is worth caps and all those exclamation points.

 

As we have previously discussed, chocolate is (without a doubt) one of the most important major food groups. Especially if it is dark chocolate. And in front of me. And I don’t have to arm wrestle anyone for it.

Chocolate (as I might have mentioned once or twice) is good for you. Pure cocoa actually helps prevent tooth decay. Turns out that some of the chemicals in cocoa fight mouth bacteria—sort of an oral light saber battle. One wonders why there isn’t chocolate toothpaste… (Looking at you, Colgate and Crest.)

There’s been a lot of research on chocolate (I conduct research every day, testing to see if it will eliminate the need to color my hair). While research has not (yet) proven that chocolate can compete with Clairol, researchers (not me) have shown that chocolate helps skin! German scientists have shown that flavonoids in chocolate “absorb UV light, which helps protect and increase blood flow to the skin, ultimately improving its appearance.” Hershey’s can add a whole new product line of acne-fighting candy.

One chocolate chip can give a person enough energy to walk 150 feet.

According to some Eeyore-ish scientists who probably haven’t had their daily chocolate fix, it is possible to die if you eat too much chocolate. Well duh. Turns out that if you power snarf 22 pounds of chocolate, you’ll ingest enough theobromine to end up on a slab. Stick with a daily ration of 21 pounds and you won’t die. But by the time you do kick off they’ll need an extra-reinforced table. Maybe a little less is sufficient.

Dark chocolate is especially beneficial. Dark chocolate boosts memory, attention span, ability to tolerate boring meetings, reaction time, problem-solving skills, vision, blood pressure, shopping endurance, mood, platelet function, and ability to write blogs.

I’d tell you more, but I need to go stock up on my daily allotment.

Love, Mom