Dear Kid,

You got one guy going boom, one guy going whack, and one guy not getting in the endzone. ~ John Madden

Tonight is the Homecoming Football Game (High School) between Our Heroes (YAY!) and the Other Team (also known as Them).

When I went to Catholic high school in Philadelphia, we just had one coach for football and basketball. He took all of us who turned out and had us run through a forest. The ones who ran into the trees were on the football team. ~George Raveling

Our Heroes (Yay!) will be wearing green (unless they are wearing black—my usual informant on the subject is doing homework and I have been told Not To Interrupt) and the Other Team (OT) will be wearing something else. Probably white.

The reason women don’t play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public. ~Phyllis Diller

Since it is Homecoming, we expect the game will be exciting, the stands will be full, and the crowd will be loud.

There are several differences between a football game and a revolution. For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear uniforms. Also, there are usually more casualties in a football game. The object of the game is to move a ball past the other team’s goal line. This counts as six points. No points are given for lacerations, contusions, or abrasions, but then no points are deducted, either. Kicking is very important in football. In fact, some of the more enthusiastic players even kick the ball, occasionally. ~Alfred Hitchcock

Also since it is Homecoming, the band will be out in full force and the Court will be Crowned.

The thing about football – the important thing about football – is that it is not just about football. ~Terry Pratchett, Unseen Academicals

Note: Being that it’s a Terry Pratchett quote, it’s probably about soccer not American football. But being that it’s a Terry Pratchett quote, one can never be 100% sure. I read the book and I while I’m reasonably certain, I can’t be 100% sure.

It is supposed to rain. This is likely to dampen some of the enthusiasm.

Today I will do what others won’t, so tomorrow I can accomplish what others can’t. ~Jerry Rice

We expect that Our Heroes (YAY!) will win. Expect some degree of excessive celebration.

Anyone who’s just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands. ~Craig Ferguson

Have you ever noticed that there are a lot of football/life analogies?

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity. ~Lewis Grizzard

We will be at the football game. With any luck we will be warm(ish) and dry(ish) and celebrating the victory of the Homecoming.

Football combines two of the worst things in American life. It is violence punctuated by committee meetings. ~George F. Will

Love, Mom