Dear Kid Child,

Your mother is losing her marbles (and let’s face it—she didn’t exactly have a full set to begin with). So I’ve sent her to bed (with the fond hope that she’ll have moved on to some new nonsense by tomorrow) and promised her I would write to you.

She wants to adopt river otters.

Sigh.

You heard me. River otters.

I blame her friend the internet.

And Empty Nest Syndrome.

Puppy: What is Empty Nest Syndrome?
Dad: It means Mom doesn’t have anyone to take care of.
Puppy (confused): You’re here to take care of.
Dad: Yep.
Puppy (affronted): And I’M here to take care of!
Dad: Yep.
Puppy (genuinely perplexed): And the Dust Dragons are here to take care of.
Dad: Yep.
Puppy: And she still wants river otters?
Dad: No. She just wants to snuggle something baby-like.
Puppy: I’m the baby!
Dad: Confusing, isn’t it?
Puppy: My thinker hurts. I’m going to take a nap.

I understand how he feels. But I also know we are not getting otters.

Love, Mom Dad