Dear Kid,

I went out to car the other day, and there—in the grocery store parking lot—was a car with this bumper sticker:

My first thought was, “How cool is it that someone is thinking about moose in the middle of Ohio!?!”

My second thought was, “Wait. Someone might NOT brake for a moose? How stupid is that?”

My third thought was, “Lunch!”

Because it was time for lunch, not because I was thinking that moose was on the menu.

Moose are big. There not some tiny little thing you can easily overlook. They weigh about 1,800 pounds (yep, there’s a comma in there) and a moose’s shoulder is taller than the top of your head.

They are equally comfortable on land and in the water. They can run faster than you by the time they are 5 days old. They swim better than you too and they can hold their breath under water for 30 seconds.

In September and October, bulls bellow to attract mates. Apparently this works for moose. It does not work well for people. I don’t know why moose females bother answering; they can take the bulls. They give birth to one or two calves each weighing about 30 pounds. Female moose are not frail, fragile creatures.

So if you see a moose…BRAKE!

None of this has anything to do with Dr. Seuss, but you didn’t imagine I’d pass up an opportunity to quote Dr. Seuss’ Sleep Book, did you?

A moose is asleep. He is dreaming of moose drinks.
A goose is asleep. He is dreaming of goose drinks.
That’s well and good when a moose dreams of moose juice.
And nothing goes wrong when a goose dreams of goose juice.
But it isn’t too good when a moose and a goose
Start dreaming they’re drinking the other one’s juice.
Moose juice, not goose juice, is juice for a moose.
And goose juice, not moose juice, is juice for a goose.
So, when goose gets a mouthful of juices of mooses
And moose gets a mouthful of juices of gooses
They always fall out of their beds screaming screams
So, I’m warning you, now! Never drink in your dreams.
–Dr. Seuss’ Sleep Book

Love, Mom