Dear Kid,

Today you move in to your dorm. I could wax poetic about the sentimentality of the day, but since I am given to neither waxing nor polishing, forget it.

In all seriosity, the term “waxing poetic” has nothing to do with cars or candles. It means “to grow” (the opposite of “to wane”, which means “to decrease”) as in the waxing and waning of the moon. And if there are candles or car polish on the moon no one is talking about it.

Seriosity. A perfectly good word which is a less serious version of serious and cannot be found in any useful dictionary. Therefore not legal in Boggle or Scrabble. But it probably should be.

As you acclimate to the dorm, the eating establishments (I know your priorities), and the university, you should also become familiar with the city in which you now find yourself. I think this is Most Excellent Advice for all college students. It is often ignored advice, but I think you will enjoy the next four years more if you get involved in school and community activities. Or are at least vaguely familiar with the area.

The Athens Area Chamber of Commerce kindly provided me with some interesting information about the county. You may thank me later for sharing with you.

Athens was established in 1805 (which, you will note, was after the establishment of Ohio University. This does not however mean that the University trumps the City in anything except age. And probably football.)

Since 1805, the population has grown dramatically as have the number of restaurants and churches which (as we saw) are all over the place.

There are 54,688 registered motor vehicles and 147.84 State highway miles in the county. All I’m saying is it can get congested.

Each year there are 61 teen births per thousand residents. Not at all sure how teens are born but it says so right here. Perhaps like Athena herself, they burst out full grown. Regardless of the mythology: STAY AWAY FROM THIS STATISTIC. Extra points if you know what animal Athena is generally associated with.

Now here’s a factoid that’s got me giggling. According to the Chamber’s numbers, for each 1,000 residents: 456 die, 322 get married, and 210 get divorced. Just in case you don’t have a calculator handy, that adds up to 988. Which doesn’t leave a lot of room for people happily staying alive and not changing their marital status. Or else a lot of people stay married less than a year or die from getting married. If I were you, I wouldn’t quote these stats as gospel.

In the fall, there are lots of leaves in Athens. If you’re lucky, many of them will be pretty. In all likelihood, you will not be responsible for raking them.

There are 11 radio stations, 2 television stations, and 1 newspaper (I’m assuming this does not include the media at the University, but I can’t be certain).

There are two hospitals (hopefully, you will never see the inside of either of them) and a whole bunch of medical professionals.

There is also a Walmart.

Did I mention there is a University? A lovely one. Learn and enjoy.

Love, Mom

P.S. Being the Goddess of Wisdom (and War), Athena is generally associated with the owl. But you probably knew that.

Dear Kid,

High school Football Practice Season is in full swing with doubles and singles and staying-after-practice-to-work-some-more. The Green and Gold scrimmage is this weekend and it is not at all clear who will be kicking. All we can say for sure at the moment is that you are related to the only football player with a hot red streak in her hair.

We also know that the scrimmage and the BBQ (which I’m guessing means “food” but not “bar-be-que”) will be at the high school now that the new field is ready.

Weather.com says there will be scattered showers on Saturday which I interpret to mean there will be a monsoon that will last just as long as we want to be outside. Yipee.

Dad is talking about watching the Persied meteor showers this weekend. I believe they peak early next week but since the best time for watching is some crazy hour of the middle of the night (an hour suitable for college kids and newborns, but not for me) I’m not sure what we’ll actually see. I can guarantee that if there are monsoons I will be snug in a dry bed not lounging on the driveway hoping to see pieces of burning comet debris.

Persied refers to the Sons of Perseus. You may recall that Perseus was the son of Zeus and Danae. (Not recalling? Read on.) Perseus grew into a strong young man and an excellent warrior (which happened a lot in those days). He was a Good Kid who protected his mom (you see why this is an important story?) and the king sent him off to kill Medusa hoping that while Perseus was away and mom had no one to protect her he (the king) would get friendly with mama. (For the record, while Perseus was gone Danae—the mom—did quite a credible job of taking care of herself.)

Medusa was a Gorgon in a perpetual state of Bad Hair Days (her hair was snakes), and she was so, um, attractive that everyone who saw her turned instantly to stone. You would think this would make her an excellent curator for a statue museum, but apparently Gorgons don’t think that way.

Skipping over some of the good parts of the story (involving sharing eyeballs and dental implants and which you may research from the comfort of your own room if you like), Perseus got some help from Athena and Hermes (it just all ties together, doesn’t it? I love mythology.). He avoided becoming a pile of rubble by looking at Medusa only in the reflection of his shield, lopping off her head with utmost efficiency, and stuffing it into a handy trash bag.

He sped off home to check on his mom, who was handling herself but getting a little tired of the king’s nonsense, so Perseus used the head as a Weapon of Mass Destruction and turned a bunch of royalty and courtiers into stone. After a while he gave the head to Athena as a decoration for her aegis (a fancy word for shield or breastplate). Which all goes to show that Goddesses are not like the rest of us, because I can guarantee that most girls would not be impressed with a rotting, snake-haired head as a gift.

Perseus married Andromeda who he had rescued on the way back from Medusa killing (but that’s another story for another day). They had a bunch of sons with impossible to pronounce names who are now immortalized as flaming bits of comet dust.

Hope you have an easy to pronounce, dust-free day.

Love, Mom