Dear Kid,

Facts about The Penguins.

The Pittsburgh Penguins were founded in 1967—you weren’t alive then.

The Penguins name came from the nickname of their home rink, the Igloo, formally known as the Civic Arena. Now they play at the PPG Paints Arena.

The gold triangle in the Penguin logo represents the golden triangle of downtown Pittsburgh.

The Penguins’ farm team (the Baby Penguins) play in Wilkes Barre, PA (which you knew).

Emperor Penguins are about 4 feet tall. Pittsburgh Penguins are taller.

Gentoo penguins are the fastest penguins in the water. Pittsburgh Penguins can beat Gentoos on the ice. The Gentoos don’t really care.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

What. Just. Happened?

Two minutes ago we were making sure the air conditioner was running full blast and now we’re burrowing under the comforter and wondering where the heating pad is.

Fall has arrived on great honkin’ boots.

It’s not that I don’t love fall—I do.

But all of a sudden, I’m freezing.

And I haven’t switched out all my clothes. (To be clear, by “switched out” I mean worn things and hung them up in the closet in a more accessible spot after they were laundered.)

It is time for sweaters, socks, and scarves (it’s “s” clothing season—Hey! I just realized it’s Superman clothing season!).

I have to go burrow.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Tickets are available for the Cincinnati Coffee Festival and they’re selling like hotcakes.

This, of course, raises the question: Exactly how quickly do hotcakes sell? The blindingly obvious answer is: Very.

Apparently—either in reality or in someone’s fertile imagination—hotcakes were crazy popular at fairs and festivals. I’m guessing there wasn’t a lot going on at the fairs and festivals of the nineteenth century.

Dad and I went to the New York Coffee Festival this past weekend and it was awesome. Not as awesome as the Cincinnati Coffee Festival will be but that’s partly because it wasn’t in Cincinnati Music Hall. Not that I’m biased or anything.

We had coffee, cascara (you remember what that is, right?), tea, turmeric tea latte, cookies, more coffee, chocolate, donuts, even more coffee, and a whole lot of other yum. Which is pretty much what people will find at the Cincinnati Coffee Festival. I can’t be sure about the turmeric lattes. We’ll also have live music, demos, and a latte art throwdown.

I’m reasonably sure there won’t be any hotcakes.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

As you probably remember, Dad spent much of the summer tending his vegetable gardens with the love and care usually reserved for offspring.

Because of all his hard work, we’ve enjoyed home-grown cucumbers, tomatoes, zucchini, beets, and a melon. Ok, we didn’t actually enjoy the melon; it was pretty awful. But the rest of the produce was great.

Last week we celebrated Harvest the Corn Day. Yep, we grew corn (and by “we” I mean Dad did all the work and I occasionally glanced out the window to see that, yes indeed, there were cornstalks in the middle of the backyard). And yes, we know it’s October, but getting seeds in the ground early is generally not part of Dad’s farming protocol.

The Puppy carefully supervised the shucking and cooking of the corn, waiting (im)patiently for some to drop on the floor.

The corn was excellent. By far the best Dad has ever grown. 

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s Friday the 13^th!!

If you need me, my black cat and I will be under a ladder checking our makeup in a broken mirror, after which we’ll go inside and open an umbrella. Or two. Or three.

I will not, however, be watching scary movies. Not now, not ever.

I think there should be rules about what movies can be advertised when I’m watching TV. There are zillions of channels I don’t watch and hundreds of hours each month when I’m nowhere near television—they can advertise all the scary movies they want when I’m not around. When they show clips, I have stop watching and cover my eyes.

October brings out pink ribbons (good), pumpkin-spice (good in moderation), and a zillion and three scary movies (which as far as I’m concerned is a zillion and three too many).

The Puppy doesn’t like scary movies either.

He’s too busy trying to convince the black cat to be friends.

Love, Mom

P. S. For the record, the only black cat we have lives in my imagination.

Dear Kid,

Dear Puppy,

Take a look at the calendar. Take a look outside. Take a look at all the Pumpkin-Spice everythings.

It is Fall. And after Fall comes (some form of) winter.

Which means temperatures are going to continue to drop.

And you will want all that fur you are so, um, elegantly shedding right now.

Look at the squirrels. No, wait. Scratch that. Do NOT look at the squirrels—you’ll just start barking and miss the point.

The point is that if there WERE squirrels in our yard (you don’t need to check), they would be getting ready for winter. If there were squirrels anywhere (I’m sure there aren’t), they’d be out there storing nuts and sewing little squirrel mittens, not modeling bathing suits and shedding extra fur.

You are going to be unhappy if you’re cold. You are going to wish you’d kept your undercoat.

Winter is coming.

And I am not going to collect all that extra fur and glue it back on you.

No matter how pathetically you stare.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Today is the tenth day of the tenth month of the tenth year (assuming you started counting 10 years ago), so it seems appropriate to talk about the number 3.

Just kidding, the number 10.

I was going to share 10 fabulous facts about the number 10. But there are too many fun facts to stop at ten. Then I thought about 10 times 10 facts—until I realized that no one wants to read (or write) 100 facts.

So here are a bunch (I counted) of seriously interesting (mostly) facts about the number 10.

We (or at least most of us) have 10 fingers and 10 toes. Which is useful considering that most numbers we deal with are in base 10 (and that’s not even counting—get it, counting—the metric system). Also, the length of your hand (if you’re an adult) is a tenth of your height.

Number 10 Downing Street is the home of the British Prime Minister. But only if you say “Number 10” in a British accent.

“Deca” means ten (you knew that). But did you know that “decimate” really means to reduce by a tenth? If you write the number 10 twice (1010), you get the number ten in binary. Now that’s cool.

Ten is a triangular number (think about how bowling pins are arranged: 1+2+3+4). It’s also a tetrahedral number (very few people care).

There are 10 acres in a square furlong. (I never knew that, did you?)

Crabs, lobsters, shrimp, and other crustaceans have 10 legs. This makes them very tasty (but difficult to find shoes for).
A $10 bill is also known as a “sawbuck.” The traditional 10th anniversary gift is tin, while the modern gift for the 10th anniversary is diamonds. That’s a lot of sawbucks.

There are 10 Lords A-Leapin’ according to the song. Capricorn (the sea-goat) is the 10th sign in the Zodiac. (Sea-goat? What on earth is a sea-goat?)

There are 10 provinces in Canada, eh? Virginia is the 10th State in the Union.

The number 10 is very important in sports, because it is the maximum number of events most people can watch at any one time. (I’ve watched you flip channels!) The decathlon has ten events. In auto racing, driving a race car at ten-tenths means driving as fast as possible. There are 10 yards in a first down, and ten yards in a football endzone. A basketball hoop should be hung 10 feet above the ground. There are ten players per side in lacrosse. The top score in gymnastics is 10 (except it isn’t anymore). Surfers try to Hang 10.

Odysseus traveled for 10 years (and that was before the invention of frequent traveler miles).

There are 10 commandments (plus “Pick your stuff up off the floor!). There were 10 plagues (the 11th may be the floor of your room). There are Ten Sephirot in the Kabbalistic Tree of Life. In Hinduism, Lord Vishnu appeared on the earth in 10 incarnations.

The Richter scale is measured in tenfold increase of energy. There are ten official ink-splats in the Rorschach inkblot test. The atomic number for neon is 10 (which you can write in neon).

Ten is the number you count to when you need to take a moment, and you take 10 when you need a longer break. We love Top Ten Lists, and searching for the perfect 10. 

10-4 good buddy.

Love, Mom