Don’t You Think College Grads Should Know This?

Dear Kid,

Enough already.

Although perhaps I should say ‘nuf—that might be more ‘propriate.

I’ve decided (I really don’t know why more people don’t consult me about these things) that there ought to be a standard college graduation test.

You heard me. In order to get The Degree, I think people should have to take a short, but important test.

I envision about 50 questions (some will require written answers; some will require demos). Here’s a sample.

1. Explain the difference between the words “then” and “than.”
2. Describe why the words “its” and “it’s” are different.
3. Is this sentence correct, “Me and Jane talked about it and we’re going to the mall.”?
4. If not, fix it. [If you fix it by writing “Me and Jane talked about it and we’re going to the movies.” you will fail immediately.]
5. What about this one: “Make sure to do you laundry before dinner.”
6. Explain the difference between “itch” and “scratch.” Use each in a sentence.
7. Demonstrate that you can sew a button.
8. Demonstrate that you can prepare at least one reasonable meal from scratch.
9. Swear that you will never describe a point as “mute” unless you cut out its tongue. And possibly your own.

You get the point (moot or otherwise). There ought to be a reasonable level of education required before people are allowed out in the world.

Love, Mom