10 Things I Learned from Being on TV

Dear Kid,

What I Learned from My Brief (very) Stint (Ha!) as a Television Personality.

Some green rooms (the place you wait before you go “on”) are green. Some are not. Some green rooms are just the corner of the set.
It is amazing how many different looks get crammed into a studio. (The actual number is 453 according to a recent study I made up.)
It’s better if you actually know the price of the tickets in case someone asks you on air. When you overstate the ticket price by 50₵, someone (Dad) is liable to say something (a LOT) about it.
Women who work behind the camera are teeny little people (I saw two and therefore can state this generalization with supreme confidence). Their size and gender has absolutely no bearing on their ability to do their job.
People who are actual TV Personalities are very good at making their guests feel welcome and relaxed. At least the ones I met.
The people who work behind the scenes are very good at making their guests feel welcome and relaxed. At least the ones I met.
No one hangs around to chat with you before the segment. No one hangs around to chat with you after the segment unless they are seriously into coffee (which means everyone hangs around afterward).
Being on air for several seconds does not make one instantly recognizable in Kroger. I do not have to worry about changing my name or hair color.
Elves do not rush over to clean up the house just because one appears briefly on TV.
It is better (much) to be on TV for something like the Cincinnati Coffee Festival than for many of the things people are on TV talking about.