Dear Kid,

I love Spring. There are pastel dresses, jelly beans, and Rogue 1 is out on DVD. What’s not to love?

But now Spring has taken things a Step Too Far.

Specifically, Peeps, the perennial Easter treat of sweetness and colors not found in nature, has gone Far Too Far.

Not only are there Oreo Peeps (please, Oreo—enough with the brand extensions already!) which someone was kind enough to share with me (and by “kind” I’m not entirely sure what I mean. It was really nice to offer, and I was intrigued. But then I ate one. I didn’t die, but a small part of my soul keeled over.).

What, exactly, can you say about Oreo Peeps?

Now there is also a Peeps beverage.

I use the word “beverage” carefully, hoping that I can fly under the beverage industry’s radar.

No Peeps were killed in the manufacture of this beverage.

Peeps Orange Crème Flavored Milk is bad enough (at least they didn’t call it a Milk Beverage), but Peeps Egg Nog? Seriously? Isn’t that a case of holiday confusion? Isn’t that just one of those things we do not need in the Universe? And what’s with all the faux ingredients? (Although I must admit, I expected far more faux and far less milk on the ingredient list.)

No Peeps were killed in the manufacture of this beverage.

The worst part is that is sounds delicious.

Love, Mom