Dear Kid,
Once upon a time there was the Kalahari desert. This is important because without the Kalahari they couldn’t have made the movie The Gods Must Be Crazy. And that would be sad.
About 5,000 years ago there was nothing in the Kalahari except sand and one coke bottle (see The Gods Must Be Crazy). Then there was a watermelon. And the people liked the watermelon so much that many, many more watermelon followed.
The Egyptians thought watermelon were so dandy-wonderful that they drew pictures of them on walls (the term hieroglyphics is from the root “hi” as in near the top of the wall, “rog” as in rogue graffiti artists, and “lyphs” as in I hope I don’t get caught drawing on the walls). The Egyptians didn’t have good graffiti removal techniques which is why hieroglyphics still exist.
The Egyptians also put watermelons in the tombs with dead kings because one never knows when royalty will get a hankering for watermelon.
Fast forward to the 10th century when watermelon (and possibly watermelon shooters) had made their way to China. It took that long because travel was slow in those days and watermelon are not known for having large stockpiles of cash with which to travel. China is currently the number one producer of watermelons on the planet.
Dad’s garden is currently last on the list of watermelon producers having yielded (so far this year) exactly one (slightly under-ripe) fruit.
The US is fifth in watermelon production but according to Guinness (the records people not the beer people) the world’s heaviest watermelon was grown in Arkansas in 2005. It weighed 268.8 pounds (most of which was water weight).
Early explorers used watermelons as canteens. This is the first recorded instance of yuppy flavored water and the forerunner of Mio!.
There are over 200 kinds of watermelon grown in the US and Mexico. The most popular are the ones somebody else carries.
There are many recipes for Interesting Things to Do With Watermelon. I am not reproducing any of them here, since (a) my favorite is watermelon, cut with knife, served with a napkin and (b) My Friend the Internet has already documented every possible watermelon recipe imaginable.
Watermelon makes me think of summer and grilling out and summer and seed fights and summer and early fall.
What’s your favorite way to eat watermelon?
Love, Mom
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