Dear Kid,

But wait, there’s more.

If you thought I had posted a sufficiently caffeinated blog the other day, you’d be correct. If you thought (as I did for a short time) that that would be the end of the caffeinated discussion, you’d be wrong.

Not only does caffeine come in the traditional liquid form (coffee, tea, diet coke) and the easily abused and sometimes lethal powdered form (stay away), turns out there are non-traditional liquids and—wait for it—aerosols. Clearly, I have been living under a rock.

Thank you to Cornell student Kyle and Boston University alum Greg for bringing all this to my attention.

Turns out, there are concentrated liquid caffeines out there. Liquid caffeine mixes nicely with no powdery aftertaste but there is enough caffeine in a gallon of the stuff to show 7 people the wrong side of the dirt. One of the joys (and by “joys” I mean not so much) of liquid caffeine is you can mix it with your favorite alcoholic beverage so that you can be awake while you get drunk and do stupid things.

The only things worse than a drunk idiot is a drunk idiot who refuses to pass out.

Did I mention that too much caffeine can KILL YOU!!!??? And that these concentrated forms of caffeine are the easiest to abuse? And (as we know from professional football) abuse is bad. Ergo, stay away from the concentrated stuff.

Have you heard of Death Wish Coffee? It has 200% more caffeine than standard coffee. Which won’t kill you (probably) but might make you so jittery and unable to sleep that you wish it would.

And the aforementioned aerosol caffeine delivery system. Yep, it exists. The regular dose won’t harm you (presumably) as it has about the same amount of caffeine as a cup of coffee. According to everything I read on line aero-caffeine (once known as aeroshot, but now under slightly different names) works fast, is extremely convenient, and tastes horrible. Authorities worry that because it’s so easy to ingest kids will do multiple shots in quick succession which could be dangerous.

All in all, I think I’ll get a cup of coffee and head back to bed.

Love, Mom