Dear Kid,

The mosquitoes are out. Really out. They are the size of wombats. Large wombats. Very large wombats.

Not only are they large, they are hungry. Swarms of mosquitoes buzzed my car on the way home yesterday.

Not only are they large and hungry, they have multiplied excessively.

A brown bat can eat about 1,000 mosquitoes in an hour. After several intense minutes with my calculator, I established that our backyard has enough mosquitoes this year to feed the entire US bat population for the next three years.

On the other hand, the mosquito menu here is limited. They tried to chomp on the car but it didn’t provide a lot of nutrition. So they turned to Menu of Mom. Home cooked Mommy. Mama a la mode. Parental Popsicle.

I’ll give you three guesses as to how I felt about being the dinner entree for billions of bugs.

Not nearly as unhappy as I’ll be if they think I’m breakfast when I take the puppy out for his walk.

I’m considering starting a bat breeding program. And a purple martin farm. And a rescue program for anyone else who eats large numbers of annoying bugs.

How do you feel about mosquito pie for dinner?

Love, Mom