Dear Kid,

The 11 year-old Puppy weighs 20 pounds, most of it fluff, love, and napping.

A Canada goose weighs approximately 7 to 12 pounds, mostly poop and aggressiveness and all of it obnoxious.

The Puppy has been adopted for life.

Canada geese mate for life.

The Puppy is the baby.

Baby Canada geese are called goslings and are adorable. They learn to swim when they are less than a day old and they learn to fly when they are between 2-3 months old. The big problem with goslings is they grow up to be geese.

When the Puppy feels threatened, he bares his teeth and growls and then tucks his head when he is reminded that this is unflattering behavior.

When a C. goose is threatened, it will stretch out its neck, honk, and strut out into the middle of the road. The goose regains its sense of self by exercising its power to stop traffic for miles.

The Puppy eats his food and treats and whatever else he can get his little muzzle on.

Canada geese eat mostly green stuff (grasses, plants, moldy pizza left over from last month’s frat party) and occasionally insects or some fish (generally the anchovies on the pizza).

The Puppy migrates from his pillow to the dining room floor and back again.

Canada geese migrate so that they can fly in their famous V formations. Also because it’s hard to find aquatic plants for lunch when the aqua in question is completely frozen.

Puppy poop goes in the garbage can.

Geese’s pieces do not. Which is often a problem.

Love, Mom