Dear Kid,

As I have mentioned more than once, wildlife belongs in the wild.

This is Part II of my Foot Saga. Here’s Part I if you’ve forgotten.

We left off with my foot swollen and painful and with my trip to Urgent Care having been less than diagnostically successful. After I picked up the fabulous prescription cocktail the physician suggested, I went over to the high school for the soccer game.

Never mind the pain of trekking 92 miles from the parking lot to the stadium stands.

Why are they called “stands” if one sits in them?

After about 3 minutes, soccer mom conversation turned to my foot (which was by then doing its impression of Moby Dick). Soccer mom medical consensus quickly determined I had been bitten by a spider. Possibly twice.

Someone saw a spider in the office. Obviously, now I have to quit my job. DearKidLoveMom.comDid I mention the pain started in the middle of the afternoon while I was at work? Did I mention that WILDLIFE BELONGS IN THE WILD AND NOT UNDER MY DESK???? Obviously, I have to quit my job if spiders are going to be allowed on the premises.

Yesterday I was somewhat better what with my friends at Walgreens helping me live with reduced pain through the miracle of prescription chemistry. Still swollen, still painful, but better.

After several more people weighed in on the Diagnosis of Moi including a relatively long (and terrifying) discussion of the possibility of an attack of brown recluse spiders—ick—I learned that Mark-whose-desk-is-near-mine saw a wolf spider not too long ago. Why he didn’t report this, I have no idea. I haven’t completely ruled out a hungry walrus as the culprit, but no one’s seen a pinniped in the office recently, and they don’t hide nearly as well as spiders.

So the building people are bringing in an arachnid eliminator. Which is really fun to say (go ahead, try it. I’ll wait…See?).

In honor of the exterminator, I’m introducing Pick Your Own Cliché Time.

  • Locking the barn door after the horse is gone.
  • An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
  • A stitch in time saves nine.
  • Die, spider, die.

Every cloud has a silver lining. In this case, the silver lining is a two-blog story.

Feel free to add your own appropriate cliché in the comments.

Love, Mom