Dear Kid,

Did you hear about the bear?

A 2 or 3 year old bear (no one’s gotten close enough to check his ID) is wandering around the Cincinnati area.

Authorities (I wonder if “authorities” refer to themselves as authorities) believe the bear wandered north from Kentucky (after swimming across the Ohio River) looking for a mate or Graeter’s ice cream. The bear was roaming through Milford earlier in the week and yesterday was spotted in Montgomery.

The authorities (see above) warned people to stay away from the bear (apparently bears are not known for sharing dessert) but they have no intention of harming the bear in any way (three cheers for harm-free bear handling). The just want to let the beast meander his way to wherever he’s going (bears are not known for carrying working GPS systems).

The public (which I think means anyone who is not “an authority”) should not put out food for the bear. But if the bear happens to lumber your way, and if you happen to be growing blueberries or vegetables or salmon or anything else that bears eat (which is almost anything) you should prepare for a small harvest this year.

The authorities are keeping an eye on the bear (the way some parents follow the school bus on the kids’ first day of Kindergarten [for the record, I never did that]) making sure the bear doesn’t get lost in the wrong neighborhood. They are also going to make sure the bear doesn’t climb up a tree and get stuck. (Not sure why this is a problem unless bears go wacko in trees. As Uncle David pointed out years ago, we don’t find a lot of bear skeletons in trees, suggesting bears figure out how to get down. Actually he was talking about cats at the time, but the principle is the same.)

If you happen to spot a bear, enjoy the view, but stay away. Very few bears are taught to behave nicely.

Love, Mom