As we all know, winter sports are important in winter.
Fearing that you education has been sorely lacking, I have decided to provide you some Important Information about Interesting Winter Sports.
Today, we discuss skiing.
Skiing was invented by Herman von Slopeski (who named it after himself). He didn’t mean to invent skiing. Here’s what happened.
Herman was out chopping wood for the fire when he slipped, landed with his feet on some of the already chopped wood, and went zooming down the mountain. Herman came to a crashing halt (literally) in front of a beer garden where several of his friends were hanging out, imbibing their beverage of choice. Being a Dude, he couldn’t admit to having made a mistake, so Herman told his buds he was inventing a new sport.
Being Dudes, they had to try this new sport immediately, and downhill racing on black diamonds was born.
The Après Ski was invented by Mrs. Herman von Slopeski who decided to sit with her friends drinking their own beverage of choice and waiting to see who would be alive in the morning. Fortunately, Herman had chopped a lot of wood before sliding down to the town, so Mrs. Herman and her friends were all set with a warm fire. And beverages of choice.
The ski lift was invented by a small band of bored Minions. The original design involved carrying the skier from the bottom of the mountain back to the top. Minions, being Minions, decided almost immediately that that plan involved Work and so they set out to improve the system. Fourteen designs later (all of which would have sent Rube Goldberg into shock), something not entirely approximating the modern ski lift was created.
The rest is all tinkering.
Spare a kind thought for Herman when you go skiing today.