Posts Tagged "weight gain"

Weird Facts | Stuff You Won’t Learn During College Exam Week

weird facts you won't learn in college DearKidLoveMom.comDear Kid,

Rumor has it you are in the middle of a tough week, liberally peppered with exams. Since I can’t help at all with the subjects you’re studying (sorry), I thought I might help by providing you with a small moment of Important Education in Other Matters.

Not So Important Facts You Won’t Learn During Exam Week

Scientists say the higher your I.Q. the more you dream. Clearly, I am a genius because I dream regularly. And I have really weird dreams.

The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razorblades. This is not a good reason to eat a razor blade. It is a good reason to wonder what your stomach is made out of that it can take all that acid.

It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. It takes even less time to attach to your hips. Unless you’re a boy-type person in which case you’ve probably burned off more calories just by chewing.

Your thumb is approximately the same size as your nose. I have no idea why that might be useful information, but it gives a slightly different slant to the phrase “thumb one’s nose at.”

A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s. Especially when James Bond walks into the room. Or when she is in the presence of great shoes.

When Heinz ketchup leaves the bottle, it travels at a rate of 25 miles per year. Clearly, that is when the bottle is newly opened, because the ketchup at the end of the bottle travels at a (scientifically proven) speed of not-at-all. Until you whack the bottom of the bottle and it all goes flying out on your new white shirt.

The worlds oldest piece of chewing gum is 9,000 years old. This is obviously not true, because even the worst housekeeper would find a piece of chewing gum that old and throw it out. Even I don’t have dust that is 9,000 years old. Although some of the dust dragons are getting close.

Good luck this week, kiddo.

Love, Mom

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Why Your Workouts Are Different than Mine | College Kid vs Mom

College kid workout is different than mom's--Why my workout is different than yoursDear Kid, 

As you know, I am fascinated by all things scientific especially if there are limited facts involved. Listening to you talk about your workouts for crew led me to extreme research on why things happen differently when I go to the gym and when you go to the gym. I am now ready to report my findings.


The Difference Between a Studly College Dude (you) and Mom (me) When Working Out. By Me.

You get ready to work out. Your brain snaps to attention, ready to go.

I get ready to work out. My brain just snaps.

You arrive at the gym, dressed and ready, and go straight to the machines.

I arrive at the gym, head to the locker room, pause to check voicemail, email (both accounts), and texts (nothing new in any of them). Change into workout clothes, check technology again (nada). Brush hair, consider whether to take a book or headphones with me, check technology, reply to one email, and finally head to the machines.

You get on the rower. Immediately, calories start running around your body, building muscle and throwing excess fat overboard in the most efficient way possible.

I get on the elliptical. Immediately, calories start dialing itty bitty cell phones reminding each other not to move and telling fat cells they are welcome to stay as long as they like and no one is being forced to become (ick) muscle if they don’t want to.

Five minutes into the workout you have burned 4,827 calories.

Five minutes into the workout I have burned 3 calories.

Twenty minutes into your workout you look like a sweating cross-fit champion.

Twenty minutes into my workout two trainers are discussing whether to call the paramedics.

End of the work out: you feel tired but great.

End of my workout: I’m wondering if I should accept the trainers’ offer to assist me back to the locker room.

For your next meal, you consume two pizzas, a portion of chicken lo mein, a side of broccoli, and a piece of apple pie.

For my next meal, I nibble three lettuce leaves and drink a glass of water.

Results for you: muscle growth and development and you’re back working out the next day.

Results for me: weight gain of 6 pounds and I won’t be able to move on my own for a week.

Enjoy your youth, kid.

Happy September

Love, Mom

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