Dear Kid,

Well, now there are even more things in the world I don’t understand.

Edward Snowden (yep, that Edward Snowden) is developing a new business for which he has gotten $15M in funding. He’s creating wearable technology (by which I believe he means a watch) that tells you when to worry. Here is the story from Seth Godin.

Seth, who is a smart dude, says Ed (he calls him Ed) is a smart dude. And presumably smart people put up the $15M. But your mother (me) who is not entirely the dumbest person you’ve ever met thinks this might be one of the stupidest ideas. Ever.

First of all, if you’ve ever worried about something and someone has told you to stop worrying, have you? Of course not. Just because there is a good reason to stop worrying doesn’t mean you are going to stop worrying. So having a watch tell you there’s no need to worry is likely to be as effective as driving to a gas station and telling the owner to reduce the price of gas. Never gonna work.

Secondly, if you’re not worrying about something, why would you want to be told to start fretting? Pointless, imho, absolutely pointless.

If you’ve been worrying about us investing your inheritance in this particular startup, worry no longer (see how that works even without wearable technology?). On the other hand, if this goes huge we’ll just have to live with being left out. Then again, Edward hasn’t invited me to invest. Or to call him Ed.

I’m not worrying about it.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

When little kids play futbol (or football or any sport for that matter) they pretend to be big stars of the game. They hit the winning home run, they save the impossible-to-save goal, they kick the winning PAT with 1 second left in the game.

They don’t practice being squashed at the bottom of a pile of larger than life humans who bench press large buildings as a warmup. Rarely do they argue about who gets to be the player who misses the last second basketball shot. Almost never do they want to be the one to run all the way down the field just to turn around and run back.

If you were to wave a magic wand for a group of adult-type spectators, they would all want to be in the same playing situation they practiced when they were little. They would want to be the one hitting the last second three point shot, leaping to save the incredible goal, diving to catch the game winning touch down, perfectly placing the ball in the top left of the goal.

Apparently, there is a company Down Under who has missed the concept entirely. According to Mashable, the telecommunications company Foxtel “claims to have created a shirt that uses wearable technology to let you experience some of the physical sensations that athletes on the field are having. Those include pressure (to mimic a thumping heart), impact, despair (“the sinking feeling of every costly mistake”), exhaustion and adrenalin.”

I do not need a shirt to experience exhaustion–I do that daily. Despair and adrenalin? Every time I burn dinner. Pressure? I’ve got enough stress as it is, thank you.

So I’m not sure I see the point of the shirt. But I’m sure there are fans who will ante up and enjoy every punch and fall.

Note to the developers: IMHO, it will not be necessary to add smell-o-vision to the shirt. We know the smell of stinky man-sweat and it will not go nicely with our beverages and snacks.

What will they think of next?

Love, Mom