Posts Tagged "violence"

We Stood to Witness Officer Sonny Kim’s Funeral Procession

Dear Kid,

Yesterday was the funeral of Cincinnati Police Officer Sonny Kim.

Officer Kim was shot and killed in a violent episode last week.

There’s been a lot written about the shooting and about Officer Kim’s life as a community builder, husband, father, and karate instructor. Clearly he had a huge impact on those whose lives he touched.

Officer Sonny Kim's funeral procession stretched for 14 miles along Montgomery Road in Cincinnati. DearKidLoveMom.comYesterday, after the service, the funeral procession drove up Montgomery Road to the Gates of Heaven cemetery.

Most of the people in my office took a break from the day to go outside and watch the processional.

For 45 minutes we stood in silence as police cars from different municipalities—and different states—drove by. We just stood in tribute.

And all along the 14 mile route, people stopped what they were doing, came outside, and witnessed the day.

There was something profoundly moving about the tribute to the fallen officer.

Nothing can make up for the loss to his family, to the police force, to the community. And yesterday’s events probably didn’t touch the lives of those who live in violence or mental illness.

But I like to believe that – for a short time at least – we, the Cincinnati community, were joined together hoping and praying for a better world.

Love, Mom

Read More

Too Much Crazy in the World (The Bad Kind of Crazy)

Dear Kid,

There are some things in life I understand.

I understand that when you spill coffee on your favorite shirt it is likely to cause a permanent stain. I understand that weekends are often too short and that the Bengals are unlikely to make it to the Super Bowl. I understand that elves are not going to show up to clean our kitchen.

Doesn’t mean I have to like those things, but I understand them.

Stop the Crazy! DearKidLoveMom.comAnd then there are things in the world that I simply do not understand.

I don’t understand people who abuse children. I don’t understand people who chop off journalists heads. I don’t understand people who take hostages in the Lindt Chocolat Cafe. I don’t understand people who kill other people because of the color of their skin. I don’t understand people who do crazy violent things in the name of religion (any religion).

On some level I know I’m not supposed to understand these people because they are psychopaths or psycho-bigots or psycho-somethings. Intellectually, I know they’ve been taught to hate and they’ve been taught that Violence Solves All.

Intellectually knowing doesn’t make it easier to understand. And there have been far, far too many scary-violent-unbalanced-disturbed-crazy things happening in our world.

Do I have a solution? Well, no. Perhaps just that we should all try a little harder.

And keep the crazy fighting where it belongs—in congress.

Love, Mom

Read More

Date Rape, Sexual Assault, and Nail Polish

Dear Kid,

So you know about date-rape and assault on women on college campuses, right? I know you’ve heard the “no means no” lecture. And you’ve probably heard the new “yes means yes” affirmative stance (you actually have to hear a “yes” for it to mean “yes.” Silence isn’t consent.).

But have you heard about the nail polish?

My original title for this post was From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. The Jury’s Still Out On This One (extra points if you get the reference) because I don’t yet know what I think about it.

Here’s the story.

Four undergrads at North Carolina State University (three cheers for the undergrads) have created a nail polish that changes color to indicate the presence of date rape drugs (Rohypnol, Xanax, and GammaHydroxybutyric Acid). I did not know how to spell any of those before starting this blog. But that’s not the point. The point is, you get a mani with “Undercover Colors” polish, coyly stir your drink with your finger (or your toe if you got a pedi), and voila! you know whether or not your drink contains ingredients you haven’t ordered.

Ingenious? Absolutely. Controversial? You betcha.

On the plus side it’s a mighty fine piece of innovation and engineering which we should applaud 100%. Did I mention they are undergrads? Quite impressive.

Unlike some of the other gimmicky things that are on the market, it’s tough to be without your digits (if you’ve misplaced your fingers, date rape probably isn’t your biggest problem of the evening).

And it’s pretty clear (to me) that ANYTHING that might prevent even one incident is a good thing.

On the “not so much” side, people are pointing out that new-fangled drugs aren’t used all that frequently in date-rape situations. When there are substance issues, the substance in question is generally alcohol.

Mostly, critics seem concerned that nail polish (of any type) doesn’t really address the issue. Some say it doesn’t really make women safer, it just fools them into thinking they are safer. Certainly, it doesn’t teach students about risky behaviors. It doesn’t substitute for taking actions on our campuses to make all our kids safe (from assault and from accusation) and it doesn’t take the place of having difficult conversations.

As you think about this, it might not seem entirely relevant (what with you being a boy and a Most Good Boy at that). But think about this: would you want your sister wearing Undercover Colors nail polish? Your best friend? Your date? Your daughter?

It gets a little tricky, doesn’t it?

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month (more about that in a week or two). My wish for you today is that you can always think about this in the abstract without ever knowing anyone who has faced domestic or campus violence. The statistics say I’m unlikely to get my wish, but I keep hoping.

Love, Mom

Read More

#YWeEndViolence | 7 Scary Facts About Domestic Violence

Dear Kid,

Last week I attended a luncheon at the YWCA of Cincinnati. The lunch itself was lovely (including one of the best cookies I have ever had). The topic was highly un-lovely but exceedingly important. So important that I am taking a moment to be serious and tell you about it. The topic was Domestic Violence. #YWeEndViolence

Scary Fact #1: 1 in 4 women are victims of domestic violence at some point in their lives.

One of the speakers at the lunch told us this. Then she said “Look around. Many of you in this room have directly encountered domestic violence.” Wow.

Truth: A home should be a safe haven. No one should ever have to worry about their safety or the safety of their mother or child in their own home.

Scary Fact #2: In most cases, abusers make a choice to use violence.

The notion that most abusers “can’t help themselves” or “are driven to violence” is a bunch of hogwash. These men (most, but not all, abusers are men) are making a decision to use violence or emotional exploitation.

Truth: No one deserves to be abused NO MATTER WHAT.

Scary Fact #3: Chronic stress damages the brain and our youngest children are the most vulnerable. If no one is available (or able) to soothe, settle, and make the child feel safe, toxic stress builds up. Toxic stress causes children to lose more IQ points than lead exposure does.

Most children can recover from living with domestic violence. One of the most important factors is having a strong relationship with the non-violent parent.

Scary Fact #4: Little boys are more vulnerable than girls. They are more likely to be hurt, more likely to become violent, and more likely to be written off by family members including the non-violent parent (“Oh, he’s just like his dad”).

When the parent “writes off” the child, the nurturing environment is taken away and the boy is more likely to become a batter as he grows up.

The court system awards custody to the violent parent more often than to the survivor—even when the survivor is recovering and likely to be able to provide a safe, nurturing environment for the child.

Scary Fact #5: One out of three (that’s 1 out of 3) teens experiences dating violence. Often this is our younger (12-14 year old) kids.

As a mother, I find this absolutely terrifying.

Scary Fact #6: In homes where children and a spouse are abused, the majority of pets are abused.

Often children are willing to tell a non-family member what’s happening with their pet far earlier than they will admit what’s happening to them or their mother. Women frequently won’t leave an abusive situation because they are afraid of what will happen to their pet.

Scary Fact #7: Children frequently blame themselves for not being able to make the situation better.

No one should ever have to feel they are the cause of domestic violence. No one should ever, ever be told “if only…”.

What Can You Do?

What You Can Do #1: Donate your used cell phone to Verizon’s Hopeline. They’ll refurbish the phone and donate to people in need.

What You Can Do #2: Listen. If someone needs to talk, be there to listen and support her.

What You Can Do #3: Always, always respect her decision. There are many reasons a woman may choose to stay in an abusive relationship. There are reasons a woman may choose to stay in a relationship where her children are seeing the abuse. You cannot know the situation as well as she does.

What You Can Do #4: Learn some of the signs of healthy and unhealthy relationships.

What You Can Do #5: Find out about resources in your area. In Cincinnati, the YWCA provides all kinds of services including several shelters where women and their children can go with just the clothes on their back and be in a safe, supportive environment.

I hope that you never meet anyone who has lived with or who is living with domestic violence or emotional abuse. But the numbers suggest otherwise. So I hope that you will be the solid rock someone needs to take back control of her life.

Love, Mom




Read More


Can't remember to check for new posts? No prob. I'll send it to you.

Online Marketing

Blogging Fusion Blog Directory

Blogarama - The Blog Directory

Blog Directory
%d bloggers like this: