Dear Kid,

The Tour de France begins soon and (obviously) so do the allegations.

Actually, the allegations have already begun (does that make them pre-allegations? Prallegations?). And this year, we have New and Improved Prallegations.

There are the standard allegations about cyclists doping (old news). And New-This-Year, we’ve introduced Motorized Doping Allegations.

When I first heard about Motorized Doping I thought it was a speedier way to ingest banned substances (it’s not). Then I thought it was a different kind of drug cyclists were taking (it’s not). Then I stopped guessing.

Turns out Motorized Doping is about doping the bikes!

Yes, someone has taught the bicycles to take steroids!

No, that’s not it. Someone has figured out how to get the bicycles to swallow small but powerful motors.

Yes, the point is that somehow elite cyclists have found a new way to cheat in the Tour. They have little motors (I am not making this up) hidden in the bikes that are somehow connected through buttons and/or blue tooth to make the bikes go faster/stronger (We can rebuild him! [Extra points if you get the reference]).

This is such a big deal thing that even NPR did a story on motorized doping.

Le Tour officials were going to scan bikes to check for motors or batteries, but then they were shamed into taking this much more seriously. They’ve decided to set up heat scan sensors along the route at random and unannounced places to check bikes for hidden mechanical assistance.

Or maybe mechanical assistants if there are mini robots involved.

In any case, we now have a new scandal to worry about.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

As you may recall, I spent Saturday morning downtown with Best Friend Errand Service helping set up for the Samuel Adams annual employee Oktoberfest celebration.

I must say (and so I shall) that we did an awesome job turning the “before” into the “after.” Table cloths, centerpieces, corn stalks (yes, I tried to put one bunch up upside down, but we fixed it), HUMONGOUS pumpkins, bales of hay, and a bunch of other stuff make for a great transformation.

They were expecting about 750 to the private event and I hope they had a wonderful time.

Not only did we get to see the incredible ArtWorks mural (still waiting for someone to tell me where the second pint glass and the word Cincinnati are hidden), we got to learn a little about Samuel Adams brews.

First of all, it turns out there is a special, secret, private, locked, and very cool room for the making of the KMF. OK, first it turns out that there is a beer (or perhaps it’s an ale) called Kosmic Mother Funk. You probably knew that, but I didn’t. And it turns out that some (or all—I’m a little unclear about the specifics) of it is made here in Cincinnati. And it further turns out that it ages in HUGE (bigger than the huge pumpkins) vats that are Works of Art Themselves. Holy cow is this room gorgeous.

I know you are probably more interested in what’s in the vats, but I don’t really have info about that. What I can tell you is the room is a beer brewer’s dream and even for those of us that don’t dream of beer it is amazing.

At either end of the room are big stained glass pieces that Samuel Adams commissioned. They show the important figures in Cincinnati brewing over the ages. Beautiful.

After our quick tour of the room, we went back to work transforming the parking lot into an event locale. But the memory lingers. Just like a fine beer.

Love, Mom

Check back Thursday for more about beer.