Posts Tagged "toilet paper"

It’s Gonna Snow! It’s Gonna Snow!!

Dear Kid,

They are predicting snow. People are rushing hither and thither laying in provisions for the impending storm. Milk? Check. Bread? Check. Toilet paper? Check. DearKidLoveMom.comThe weather forecasters are predicting snow.

A lot of snow. Many airlines canceled flights more than 24 hours in advance of possible white stuff. (Yes, ridiculous.)

People are rushing hither and thither laying in provisions for the impending storm. Milk? Check. Bread? Check. Toilet paper? Check.

My first question is: Didn’t you people think you’d need those things even if there wasn’t a snow storm? What is it about snow that causes you to drink more moo and carb out?

I turned to My Friend the Internet for help, and you’ll never believe what I learned.

It has snowed before.


It has even stormed before.

This is not a once in a lifetime event!

You’d never know that from the way people are behaving, but ‘tis true.

Way back in The Day (and by “The Day” I mean days the 1800s and before) people frequently died during snow storms. This may have been because people got caught in the storm, or because no one had invented handwarmers. But it’s probably because they didn’t have enough milk and bread.

In more recent years, deaths by snow storm have gone down considerably. This is partly because we’re better at forecasting (which mostly just shows how bad forecasting used to be) and because we have indoor heat. But mostly because we don’t have a toilet paper shortage.

So if the white death hits, stay warm, stay safe, wear your hat and mittens, and—most importantly—be sure you have enough milk and bread.

Love, Mom

Another good way to stay warm is to share


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Why Toilet Paper is Causing Massive Pollution

Dear Kid,

We are halfway through the year. Happy half birthday 2015! Happy almost birthday USA! Happy Birthday Canada (Yes, it’s Canada Day)!

Yet, on a day full of happy, I am still thinking about the lady I saw yesterday.

I went to the restroom at the end of the day (the better to not walk into the gym with my legs crossed yelling “I’ll be right back to show you my ID!”). There was a lady in there I’d never seen before who was changing the toilet paper rolls.

This is the correct way to install toilet paper. I learned this from Ann Landers so it must be true. DearKidLoveMom.comPutting in new rolls of tp is not a bad thing.

She said to me, “I guess we need someone to come up and do this midday, too.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that, so I smiled and washed my hands.

Then she threw out the not-yet-empty rolls of toilet paper.

I didn’t know what to say to that either, so I dried my hands.

I’m guessing from her comment that (maybe) she’s with the cleaning crew. Maybe not since there was no evidence of cleaning stuff with her and it was a bit early for that.

The rolls that she threw out still had (in my professional opinion) 3 average tp uses on them.

I would have understood (and applauded) her changing out the rolls so there was a full roll on the rod and putting the not-quite-done ones on top.

I would have understood (although perhaps not applauded) if she’d taken the rolls to recycling.

I would even have understood (although definitely not applauded) if she’d taken away the offending run down rolls to use in the privacy of her own home.

But to throw them out?

It has been scientifically proven that the paper on the inside of the toilet paper roll is no less effective than the tp at the outside of the roll.

And we wonder where pollution comes from.

Love, Mom

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