Dear Kid,

I hate that there is no clock in the study. It seems like not having a clock would be calm and soothing. It’s not. It makes me want to jump up and run around the house looking for a clock. Except for the jumping up and running around part.

There used to be clocks in here. One used to hang on the wall (it was purple). It died. I’m not sure if it died from not having its battery replaced or because its TICK was louder than an active volcano (loud tics and Dad sleeping are not compatible). I suspect clock murder, but I’ve never pursued the investigation.

I had a clock that I won as an award in here. I took it to work. Then I brought it home. I’m not sure where it’s living at the moment…

My computer has a clock. Pi is currently using the computer to Do School Work. I won’t interrupt school work for a time check.

My phone has a clock. It’s in the kitchen which is 3.7 miles away (in terms of effort).

The puppy has a clock but it only works at breakfast time and dinner time. While he’s incredibly accurate at those times, his clock is incredibly unhelpful in between.

There are windows in the study. I know it’s daytime. For me (at this particular moment), that’s is insufficiently specific. And we don’t have a sundial in here.

Regardless, I’m pretty sure it’s time for another cup of coffee.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

In school we’re taught that time is a standard unit of measure. One minute is one minute whether it’s now or later.

The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once. Albert Einstein

As with so much of what we learn in school, that is complete and utter hogwash.

How long a minute is, depends on which side of the bathroom door you’re on. Zall’s Second Law

Everyone knows that sometimes time races by so fast we barely blink and it’s next week. Sometimes it takes a week for the hands on the clock to move five minutes.

For disappearing acts, it’s hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work. Doug Larson

The problem (of course) is that we can’t control which time goes quickly and which goes slowly.

Time flies when you’re having fun.

For example, there seems to be a great deal of time from when I get up in the morning until when I leave for work. I have time to cuddle the Puppy, time for coffee (make that: very important time for coffee) and breakfast, time to read the newspaper, and still have plenty of time to get my act pulled together for work.

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day. William Shakespeare

Then all of a sudden, I have 5 minutes left before I have to leave the house and time speeds up. Note to world: This is when it would be helpful for time to slow down.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

The last five minutes before I race out the door, generally feels like a movie played on fast forward. The problem is my body doesn’t usually move at double time. This same phenomenon occurs right before important meetings, right before leaving for vacation, and right before rushing to a sporting event.

Note to people who are about to comment on my time management skills: This is not a plea for help. This is a scientific observation.

My favorite things in life don’t cost any money. It’s really clear that the most precious resource we all have is time. Steve Jobs

Some professors have the gift of being able to slow time. I know you’ve been in lectures where you look at the clock to discover only 30 seconds have passed and you would have sworn it had been at least 90 minutes. I’m considering installing one of those lecturers in the kitchen so I can control those last five minutes a little better.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Have you ever had one of those days when you get to the end(ish) of the day and you say to yourself, “Well, I didn’t do that very well.”

For example (completely hypothetically), if on a Sunday you slept late (which you needed very badly), then you dawdled over coffee and the Sunday paper (which you enjoyed very much), then you got a teeny bit done on the family taxes but decided a much better use of your time would be to catch up on the last three episodes of the first season of The Blacklist, after which you spent some time with the GirlChild until it was time to leave for the 7:30pm soccer game which ended up starting late, and you realized that not only have you not written Monday’s blog, you have Work that has be done before the end of day.

Hypothetically, of course.

It might occur to you that you really should have done things differently.

And, still hypothetically, you hear—in the wee recesses of your brain—the echoes of your mother saying “I mentioned you might want to get your work done before you watched Netflix.”

It’s one of those things where if it were your mother actually talking to you, you’d have been obligated to roll your eyes and get into a huff.

But since it’s the echo of mom-ness and you did the conjuring of the echo, all you can do is agree. And sigh.

Hypothetically speaking of course.

Not that either you or I would ever do that.

Love, Mom

P.S. I have to go finish my Work now.

Dear Kid,

Once upon a time, there weren’t any alarm clocks. In fact, there weren’t any clocks.

When Mrs. Joe Neanderthal thought Joe should get up, she banged him over the head with his club. Since there weren’t any clocks, Joe couldn’t even say, “It’s only 5 am!” and go back to sleep. Which was OK since A) Mrs. J. N. was not the type to put up with whining and B) Joe couldn’t count.

Then along came School and Start Times and alarm clocks had to be invented.

The first clocks were used by the ancient Greeks and were made from water falling through gears and levers. This is the origin of the popular phrase: I’m sorry I’m late, there was a drought.

Sundials were an improvement since they weren’t affected by an occasional drought or deluge, but cloud cover (and night) put a damper on time-telling. Which is why bacchanalia tended to last all night (no one could say “I have to be home by 3am” since no one knew when 3am was).

The first mechanical-type clock was during medieval times (the era, not the dinner theater). Clocks told the bell-ringers to ring the bells and the bells told the people to get to church.

Finally in 1787, Levi Hutchins in Concord, NH, invented the first American alarm clock. Why we didn’t just copy the European alarm clock I have no idea. But Levi wanted to get up on time (which for him meant 4am. This ridiculous hour has caused alarm-clock rage through subsequent ages.).

Isn’t it great getting up really early on a non-school day?

Love, Mom