Dear Kid,

“WOW! This is Fan-TAS-tic! Thank you SO MUCH!!!”

The words gush out as we open presents and they are lovely to hear. Well, they are lovely to hear if the gift giver is in the room. Actually, they are lovely to hear even if the gift giver isn’t in the room, but the gift giver can’t hear the thank you if not present (pun intended).

I really hope you followed that.

Enter: The Thank You Note.

The first Thank You Note was written by Joe Neanderthal. He wrote it to a Saber Tooth Tiger who had generously eaten Joe’s friend Blorg rather than Joe. It looked something like this:

Interestingly, that particular Saber Tooth Tiger never ate Joe. Joe assumed that this was because of the Thank You Note (in reality, it was because Blorg caused the Saber Tooth Tiger to have a very upset stomach from which he died).

From then on, Joe insisted that everyone write thank you notes. Mrs. Joe Neanderthal was so surprised she forgot to be annoyed.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

‘Tis that time of year when children come home from college (we’re delighted to have you back!), the temperatures are dropping (not so delighted), and weird and unexpected gift ideas are popping up all over.

Last year you did a marvelous job of not buying me the things I asked you never to get me. If you have a burning desire to see a list of things you don’t need to buy for me this year (including bacon bandages, a penis-shaped egg fryer, and a nose shower dispenser) you’ll find the list here.

Gifts are a interesting things. Some gifts are so wonderful they make us cry (I am thinking a specifically of a life size Barbie head to apply makeup to that I was given when I was a wee tot. Over the moon happy. Many tears.). Some gifts are so awful they make us want to weep (I am thinking of days-of-the-week undies I was given as an even smaller wee tot).

Some gifts fall into the “small thought to say I’m thinking of you” category (a cookie, a candy cane, a pair of socks with little hearts on them). Some gifts are about deeper meaning (a contribution made in your name to a favorite charity, a handmade card). Some gifts are full of tradition, and some gifts merely fill up the “Oh, dang! I’ve got to come up with something right now!” category.

All too often we forget how fortunate we are to live in a time and place where we can focus on the non-essential (nose shower dispenser? really?).

What do I want this year? A little bit of time. Time to breathe, time to appreciate, and most of all time to spend with you and Pi.

Love, Mom