Posts Tagged "texting"

Ridiculous Messages from Facebook

Dear Kid,

Facebook said “Today is Little Annie’s 16th birthday.”

I said, “Don’t be ridiculous.”

Facebook said, “Really, it is her birthday.”

I said, “Oh, I believe it’s her birthday, but not that she’s 16. She’s Little Annie because she’s a little girl. If she were all grown up she’d be called All Grown Up Annie.”

Facebook said, “Maybe you haven’t seen her for a while. She’s definitely 16.”

I said, “It seems more probably to me that you miscounted.”

Facebook said, “That’s not how reality works.”

I said, “That’s one of the reasons I form my own reality. Yours keeps causing improbable things to happen. Like little girls growing up.”

Facebook said, “Perhaps you should look in the mirror.”

I said, “I am still as young as ever.”

Facebook said, “You’ve taught your mirror to lie well.”

Facebook is impertinent.

I’d like to say Facebook and I aren’t on speaking terms anymore but that’s even more ridiculous than Little Annie being old enough to drive. Especially since I plan to send Annie a FB message that says “Happy 12th Birthday” so that we can return reality to the world.

While we’re at it, you don’t need to grow up so quickly either.

Love, Mom

P.S. Annie–do NOT text and drive. EVER.


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Strange Text from a Stranger

Dear Kid,

There was a text message on my phone this morning.

It was sent at a not-unreasonable hour last night. Even if it had been sent at a ridiculous hour it wouldn’t have mattered because I typically don’t bring my cell phone upstairs with me. (Translation: in case of emergency, you should probably try the house phone.)

The text was from a number I didn’t recognize.

It read:

Hey boy where u at?

You might want to read that twice. I did.

My first reaction was to giggle. Not very much, but a little.

My second reaction was an urge to text back something like “I don’t think you meant me since I am most assuredly not a boy. I am, however, sure that you would never have passed High School English with a sentence like that.”

I do not want to live in a world where everything I do and say is recorded. That is not something I am willing to support or live under. Edward Snowden DearKidLoveMom.comMy third reaction (final answer) was to write a blog.

Now I’m sure whoever sent the text was not targeting me in any way. I’m guessing it was a case of mistyping a number. It didn’t feel obnoxious or threatening or any of those other adjectives that might cause someone to get upset.

I’m equally sure the writer was not aiming for the Queen’s English (the area code was decidedly US) and I recognize that we live in an area of the country where “Were’d you git that at?” is perfectly acceptable conversational English (it just makes me throw up in my mouth a little every time I hear it).

I’m can even talk myself into believing that the term “boy” referred either to the writer’s offspring or BFF.

I was watching a comedian last night (don’t ask who, I wasn’t really paying all that much attention) who was talking about finding out more about his dates by scrolling through their computer browsers and email texts. Funny, but a little scary when you think about it.

My point is not that one must always talk as though one were dictating Shakespeare.

The point is that you can never be 100%, absolutely positive who will see what you’ve written.

Who knows, you might even inadvertently send a text to someone’s mom who will then write about it for the whole world to see.

Love, Mom

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