Facebook said “Today is Little Annie’s 16th birthday.”
I said, “Don’t be ridiculous.”
Facebook said, “Really, it is her birthday.”
I said, “Oh, I believe it’s her birthday, but not that she’s 16. She’s Little Annie because she’s a little girl. If she were all grown up she’d be called All Grown Up Annie.”
Facebook said, “Maybe you haven’t seen her for a while. She’s definitely 16.”
I said, “It seems more probably to me that you miscounted.”
Facebook said, “That’s not how reality works.”
I said, “That’s one of the reasons I form my own reality. Yours keeps causing improbable things to happen. Like little girls growing up.”
Facebook said, “Perhaps you should look in the mirror.”
I said, “I am still as young as ever.”
Facebook said, “You’ve taught your mirror to lie well.”
Facebook is impertinent.
I’d like to say Facebook and I aren’t on speaking terms anymore but that’s even more ridiculous than Little Annie being old enough to drive. Especially since I plan to send Annie a FB message that says “Happy 12th Birthday” so that we can return reality to the world.
While we’re at it, you don’t need to grow up so quickly either.
P.S. Annie–do NOT text and drive. EVER.