Dear Kid,

The weather forecasters are predicting snow.

A lot of snow. Many airlines canceled flights more than 24 hours in advance of possible white stuff. (Yes, ridiculous.)

People are rushing hither and thither laying in provisions for the impending storm. Milk? Check. Bread? Check. Toilet paper? Check.

My first question is: Didn’t you people think you’d need those things even if there wasn’t a snow storm? What is it about snow that causes you to drink more moo and carb out?

I turned to My Friend the Internet for help, and you’ll never believe what I learned.

It has snowed before.

Seriously.

It has even stormed before.

This is not a once in a lifetime event!

You’d never know that from the way people are behaving, but ‘tis true.

Way back in The Day (and by “The Day” I mean days the 1800s and before) people frequently died during snow storms. This may have been because people got caught in the storm, or because no one had invented handwarmers. But it’s probably because they didn’t have enough milk and bread.

In more recent years, deaths by snow storm have gone down considerably. This is partly because we’re better at forecasting (which mostly just shows how bad forecasting used to be) and because we have indoor heat. But mostly because we don’t have a toilet paper shortage.

So if the white death hits, stay warm, stay safe, wear your hat and mittens, and—most importantly—be sure you have enough milk and bread.

Love, Mom

Another good way to stay warm is to share DearKidLoveMom.com.

Dear Kid,

As I may have mention once or twice or twelve thousand times, electricity is a wonderful thing.

Do you know what happens in a really, really bad storm? A storm so bad that the Puppy (who usually ignores weather unless it is directly getting him wet) starts shivering and hyperventilating? A storm so bad that it throws rain AND hail? A storm so Right Here that the lightening doesn’t even wait for the thunder before hitting again? A storm so loud that it drowns out the TV?

I’ll tell you what happens.

Anger.

Scientifically speaking, this is called an Angry Storm. Its mother probably called it Bob or something but its scientific name is Big Honkin’ Angry Storm. And BHAS looked in the windows of several houses and realized people were watching TV and not paying Proper Attention to the weather event. And BHAS got even angrier.

Do you know what happened then? I’ll tell you.

Out go the lights. Everyone looks up at the lights as if staring at them will bring back the electricity. Amazingly it does. On go the lights (and all the other appliances that had been running thirty seconds earlier). We all go back to what we were doing.

Zap! Out go the lights. Since it worked so well the first time, we all stare up at the lights again. And once again, the staring seems to do it. Zipp! On go the lights.

Then Snap! Crackle! Pop! Out go the lights. This time the staring does not intimidate any of the electrical appliances and they remain stubbornly dark. And silent.

Cue action for living beings.

Our resident 16 year old began to squawk like a stranded monkey. Dad started yelling to me, “Do not move! Do Not Move a Muscle! I am coming to bring you a flashlight! Do not move and start banging into things before I get there!” I’m not quite sure what he banged into on the way to bring me the flashlight but I’m pretty sure it didn’t break. At least not completely.

Pi transitioned from stranded monkey to hyperactive banshee. There wass much loudness.

Is it any wonder the Puppy freaked out?

Guess what else? I only had 38% battery on my phone, so I had that going for me.

Did you know it is not possible to charge a phone from a candle? No matter how many candles you light, none of them have plugs.

Did you know it is not possible to wash dishes by candle light? No matter how many candles I lit, I still didn’t want to wash them. (Not possible, didn’t want to, potato, potahto.)

Did you know that it is most assuredly possible to break a nail by candle light? But finding a nail file? Nope, not possible.

Sometime during the night pop! elkcarc! naps! the electricity came back on.

Science lesson of the day: Both staring at the lights and sleeping can sometimes cause the electricity to return.

Science lesson of the day #2: The dishes do not wash themselves during a blackout.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Happy Monday! Hope you had a good weekend.

We had a low-key and soggy weekend. Whatever you’ve heard about the terrible storms/tornados/monsoons in Indiana is true but in our particular corner of the world it just rained and blew. There are branches down (but mostly the branches that were going to come down sometime this winter anyway). There was even a nice break in the torrential downpour to let Booker walk the privies in not too much rain (extra points if you get the reference).  Sending our thoughts and prayers to those who were hit hard by the storms.

November 18^th was quite a day in history. Here are the highlights:

In 1307, William Tell shot an apple off his son’s head. There was no television coverage so we can’t be sure it happened. There is an overture but it wasn’t written in time for the event itself so the sound track was probably little Will mumbling about putting his crazy father in a home and locking up the bows and arrows.

The first English book, “Dictes & Sayengis of the Phylosophers”, was printed in 1477. It wasn’t until centuries later that printers were discouraged from inventive spelling.

In 1718, Voltaire’s “Oedipe” premiered in Paris. At least one critic wanted to put his own eyes out. Also in Paris (albeit several years later), the Louvre officially opened.

In 1820, US Navy Captain Nathaniel B Palmer discovered Antarctica. This was excellent news for penguins who then got their day in the sun (ok, they’d been in the sun) who then got their day in the limelight (remind me to look up the origin of the word ‘limelight’) but terrible news for Mrs. Captain Nathaniel B Palmer who had asked her hubby to run down to the corner store for a quart of milk.

November 18^th was an excellent day for theater. Major Barbara, Skin of Our Teeth, and Fiddler on the Roof all premiered. If I were a Rich Mom I would take you to see them all. In 1928, Walt Disney’s Mickey Mouse appeared in NY in “Steamboat Willie” which is important because Steamboat Willie would eventually become an answer to a Jeopardy! question.

In 1963 (an excellent year), Bell Telephone introduced push button telephones (you know, the thing you can use to call your mother–hint, hint). One year later (not using the telephone), J. Edgar Hoover described Martin Luther King as a “most notorious liar” and the word “twit” was invented.

In 1902, Morris Michton of Brooklyn created a stuffed bear and named it after Teddy Roosevelt.

And then, O Best Beloved, we have the Most Important, Auspicious, Monumental, and Meaningful event to have happened in all of history on November 18^th: In 1894, the NY World published the first newspaper Sunday color comics section. (I have to sit quietly for a moment and give thanks.)

Have a colorful day, sweetie,

Love, Mom

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~~~

Kansas City from Oklahoma! (excerpted)

Ev’rythin’s like a dream in Kansas City,
It’s better than a magic lantern show!
Y’ c’n turn the radiator on
Whenever you want some heat.
With ev’ry kind o’ comfort
Ev’ry house is all complete.
You c’n walk to privies in the rain
And never wet your feet!
They’ve gone about as fur as they c’n go….