Dear Kid,

We finally have what amounts to Real Snow. The forecasters are predicting 4-7 inches.

Translation for people in Cincinnati: Time to freak out.

Translation for people in Boston: A small flurry.

Translation from Dad: Go put on another layer!

Translation from my cold toes: (unprintable)

Everything here closed down early last night. And by “everything” I mean “my work.” They also closed schools (for today I mean. Yesterday was shut for Prez Day so weather wasn’t an issue.

I am seriously contemplating doing the groundhog thing. By which I mean having taken a look around, I may hide under the covers for the next several weeks.

The grocery stores (I have heard) are out of milk and cereal and bread. Why no one buys emergency supplies of chocolate is beyond me. Maybe that’s the one thing they already have a good supply of?

Rumor has it there are human popsicles on your campus (seriously that phrase cracks me up). Stay warm kiddo!

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Tuesday night was the State of the Union address. It seems that (despite the Ralph Lauren promo ad for the Sochi games opening ceremonies costumes to the contrary) we still have 50 of them. States in the union, that is. States of mind is an entirely different matter and I won’t even begin to guess how many of those there are because my math skills aren’t up to the challenge.

In other news, it is still flipping cold. I left my water bottle in the car last night (accidentally) and it froze solid, thus proving that the FZR on my license plate really does stand for freezer and not Fred’s Zebra Ranch. Fortunately, the schools were open yesterday because we’ve used up all our calamity days (not sure when they stopped being “snow days”) and we only get three “Blizzard Bags” (of which we’ve now used one).

I’m not sure if the correct terminology is Blizzard Bag or Blizzard Bag Day (the concept is too new for us to have the vernacular down pat). Basically, the school district can buy up to three extra calamity days from the state with Blizzard Bags (like buying a vowel on Wheel of Fortune). On a Blizzard Bag Day, the school is closed, but teachers must post assignments online. Students then have up to two weeks to get the work done (presumably so that if not every student has home access to the internet they aren’t penalized). No word yet on a promotional tie-in with Dairy Queen.

Blizzard Bags do not extend to walking the puppy. He has to go out no matter what the temperature. Which means one of us has to walk him. In case you weren’t 100% sure, I am here to tell you that when there is a minus sign in front of a temperature, it is cold. Really cold. It’s really cold even when it’s positive low double digits. There is something odd about taking longer to get dressed to go out than it takes to walk the hound.

Woof.

As always, I am proud of you. I think seeing your kids grow up is as difficult a process for parents as it is for the child who’s doing the growing. You are never too old to hug your parents. Just sayin’.

Love, Mom