Dear Kid,

About a zillion years ago, I found a big piece of fabric with a blue background and a football team logo all over it. I sewed up the sides, stuffed it, and turned it into an enormous pillow for your room.

Since it was not the logo of a team that offended your sensibilities, and since it was big, and most importantly it was football (although hockey would have been better, Mom), you were quite happy to have it.

It lived as part of the background of your room for a long time.

But while the logo didn’t offend your sensibilities (hockey really would have been better, Mom) neither were you at all interested in that particular football organization, and the pillow drifted. It drifted so far that eventually it fell off your bed and took up permanent residence on the floor.

There it lay for several years, until I finally decided that someone with four legs would probably enjoy it more than the floor.

So I brought it downstairs, covered it with towels (just in case the team offended the Puppy’s sensibilities), and presented his Furriness with an alternative napping spot.

The Puppy LOVES his big pillow. It may be his favorite place to nap. If not his fave, then certainly in the top three. Apparently, he just doesn’t care all that much about football logos (I’m sure he agrees that hockey really, really would have been better).

Somewhere along the way, one of the seams gave out. The Puppy (of course) saw this as an excellent opportunity to liberate some of the stuffing. I shoved the stuffing back in the pillow, turned the pillow so that the hole was against the wall (harder to remember to pull the stuffing out when you can’t see it), and promised myself that – at my earliest opportunity – I would repair the rip.

Fast forward approximately 17 months. Yesterday was “my earliest opportunity.” I know, because I actually fixed the pillow yesterday.

Not only was the seam ripped, but part of the fabric was ripped too. There was no way to perform elegant plastic surgery. This was meatball surgery (extra points if you get the reference) at best.

So I sat on the floor with the big blue pillow and began to pin and stitch. The Puppy was not amused at having his Favorite Place taken away and stalked off, making it a point to ignore me. I made it a point not to notice him ignoring me.

About halfway through the repair job, I went to the kitchen to refill my BOC (beverage of choice—Diet Coke). When I came back, who do you think had figured out how to climb onto the pillow, curl up, and pretend to be asleep?

Dad wanted to “cause an earthquake” and dislodge the baby from the pillow. I vetoed the idea.

Instead, I lovingly scooped him off the pillow and into my lap, thoroughly expecting to be given the evil eye and abandoned.

Just when you think you know how they’re going to behave…

The baby blinked up at me sleepily, snuggled down, and remained on my lap. I thought maybe he wanted to be near his pillow while it was in “the hospital.”

Have you ever tried to thread a needle when a 20 pound dog is sleeping with his oversized head in the crook of your arm? Not easy, my friend, not easy.

I pulled the pillow over, somehow threaded the needle, and resumed working. Get the visual: Puppy in my lap, mostly curled up with his head in the crook of my left arm; pillow that is 5 times bigger than he is pulled up so that it is almost covering him like a blanket; me trying to sew.

And then – just as I was considering asking him to nap elsewhere – he began to snore. Tiny, baby, I’m-so-happy-with-the-world snores.

By the time I finished the pillow, my arm was beginning to cramp from holding his head and my right leg had fallen asleep.

It’s been a long time since I was that happy to be that uncomfortable.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s National Napping Day!

Sleeping is no mean art: for its sake one must stay awake all day. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

OK, it’s not. It’s Fatigue Syndrome Day.

Not Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which is a real and significant disorder and should be treated by medical professionals.

Just Fatigue.

As in, eyelids shut. As in, head nodding during class. As in, I’ve been staring at the screen long enough and it is time for some zzzzz.

Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep. ~Fran Lebowitz

It’s not easy getting enough sleep when you’re in college.

Heck, it’s not easy getting enough sleep when you’re not in college. (My wonderful purple Fitbit is kind enough to remind me daily.)

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one. ~Leo J. Burke

According to My Friend the Internet, there is a good bit of evidence showing that we don’t know how to sleep correctly. Which is weird since it’s one of those things we’ve been doing since birth.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. ~Author unknown

Turns out that we were better at sleeping before electricity interrupted things.

B.E. (before electricity), people would go to sleep shortly after sundown for their first sleep. They’d get up for a while in the middle of the night (probably to check the chickens) and then settle down for their second sleep.

Unless they lived some place hot, in which case they only tossed and turned in the heat and then took a long siesta to make up for the lack of sleep.

Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation. ~Author Unknown

For those of us that are required to jump leap slither out of bed each morning in order to go to work, caffeine is a friend. An important friend. An enabler.

Happy Good Morning.

The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning. ~Author Unknown

I don’t know what that makes Thursday morning. We can talk about it after my nap.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s that kind of a day.

I have no idea what that means either.

Last night I spent time hanging out with Pi and watching Total Divas (bad “reality” TV) rather than writing a blog and this morning I spent time sleeping rather than writing a blog and so now my coffee and I are busy staring at a blank screen. (The Puppy has taken over the sleeping so that is still being attended to.)

But it’s that kind of a day, by which I mean it’s an odd day. It’s too warm to turn on the heat, but too cold not to. At the moment I am cuddled under three blankets with my laptop warming the top of my lap and my coffee warming the inside of my tummy. Nothing is warming my toes and they are complaining about it. I told them about your toes turning purple during your class about what cold does to extremities. They “oohed” politely and pointed out that you are young and resilient and—more importantly—attached to someone else which in no way makes them any warmer. Silly toes.

Pi is off at an event for Crayons to Computers (such a good child working for such a good cause) and Dad is grocery shopping (he’s only called me once from the store so far—well, twice if you count the pocket dial). His soccer games got canceled because it is cold and rainy. Yes, I know you don’t cancel soccer games when it’s cold and rainy, but these people did. At least they had the courtesy to call him before he left the house.

There’s a great deal to be done around the house today. Cooking and baking and cleaning and snuggling the Puppy. Unfortunately, none of those things (except Puppy snuggling) sound as nice and cozy as sipping gulping coffee under my blanket. So it remains to be seen what will get done. I have GOT to get better elves.

Hope your weekend is off to a great start.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

There’s this thing that’s supposed to happen in the middle of the night. It’s called sleep. And it’s eluding me. Apparently that last cup of Starbucks wasn’t exactly the right idea this afternoon.

So I am awake. Awake and unproductive. Because there are things one is not supposed to do in the middle of the night. Those things are: Everything That Isn’t Sleeping.

Theoretically speaking, I could clean up in the kitchen. But not only is that Not Sleeping, it would involve a dangerous (and by “dangerous” I mean loud) chain of events. I’d (sort of) like to clean up the counter. But that would involve cleaning up the sink. And that would be loud. And it would involve emptying the dishwasher. And that would be loud. And it might involve stubbing a toe, and that would most definitely be loud.

By then I’d have a woken up the entire household. Do you know what’s worse than me being awake in the middle of the night? The entire household being awake in the middle of the night. And do you know what’s worse than the entire household being awake in the middle of the night? The entire household being awake and cranky in the middle of the night. And I’m darn sure we’d have cranky people if my cleaning wakes them.

Besides, I have to be up really early.  Why are you keeping me awake, child? Let your cranky mother get some much deserved sleep. The elves can do the dishes later.

There is very little logic in my life at this hour of the day night.

Love, Mom

I just re-read the part about me cleaning. In the middle of the night. I am hilarious.

Don’t forget to share DearKidLoveMom.com. It’s a great way to start your weekend.

Dear Kid,

YouTube was down for a while yesterday. Didn’t know about it? Good, that means you were doing something important like going to class or sleeping.

There were some people (12. I counted) that were extremely upset about the YouTube outage. I say that those people should get over it. We didn’t even have YouTube when I was young. We had to procrastinate the good, old-fashioned way—by watching TV. Not by watching 20 second videos of cats. (Although some of those videos are darn adorable.)

One of the problems with YouTube being down was that people couldn’t see Jean Claude Van Damme’s commercial for Volvo Trucks. It’s pretty awesome. (It was shot in one take. Do not try this at home. Do not try this away from home. Just don’t try this. Ever.)

Apparently it’s not quite as dangerous as it looks (yes, they really drove backward) because Jean Claude was connected to safety lines that don’t show in the video. You still shouldn’t try it.

A little over a year ago, Volvo produced a stunt called the Ballerina in which a woman walked across a high line between two trucks as they were driven along a highway. Forward that time. Look up ‘Volvo Ballerina’ on YouTube if you want to see it. If YouTube is behaving.

Another video that people couldn’t watch while YouTube was down was of the Columbia University (Go Lions!) basketball game against Michigan State (Go Spartans [just to be fair]).

It seems the crowd was able to outsmart the players. With barely 3 ½ minutes left in the game, Columbia (Go Lions!) had the ball. Somehow, the Michigan State crowd coordinated itself to count down the shot clock. A fictitious shot clock. A shot clock that was mysteriously off by a second or two. So that when the Columbia players (Go Lions!) thought they still had 2 seconds left, oops! Shot clock turnover. I thought players weren’t supposed to listen to the crowd. Especially when you don’t have home court advantage. Those boys were just too trusting.

(For the record, I never went to a basketball game when I was at Columbia. We grad school types didn’t do that. We grad school types weren’t always all that bright. So I’m trying to make up for it a little now. As long as I can do it from the comfort of my own home and not at an actual game.)

Love, Mom