Dear Kid,

It’s May 1 (Happy May!) which means it’s May Day, Save the Rhino Day, and Mother Goose Day.

Only a rhino needs a rhino horn. Save the rhinoceroses. DearKidLoveMom.comWe’ve talked about May Day (read about it here and here if you don’t remember) and we’ve talked about Saving Rhinos (here), but we haven’t really talked about Mother Goose.

Mostly because the seemingly innocent Mama Goose rhymes and stories are—when you get right down to it—creepy as all get out.

‘frigzample: Humpty Dumpty isn’t an egg. Mind blown, right? I don’t know who started drawing Sir Dumpty as an egg, but probably it was someone who could draw an oval more easily than he or she could draw King Richard III.

Humpty Dumpty (King Richard III) sat on a wall (actually a horse, but that’s also hard to draw). HD (KRIII) had a great fall. Yep, fell off his mount, yelled “My kingdom for a horse!” (didn’t get one). All the King’s horse and all the King’s men couldn’t put H together again. Well, when you think about it, how many horses are well known healers? (Centaurs don’t count.)

Then there’s Mary, Mary quite contrary. Turns out that “contrary” in this case means “homicidal psychopath” and the Mary in question is Queen Mary I. It further turns out that “silver bells” and “cockle shells” are medieval torture devices (she was a vicious woman, that QM I).

You know that Ring Around the Rosy is about the plague (because we watch NCIS and learn these things–I was going to include the relevant clip, but I just spent 2 hours looking for it and My Friend the Internet isn’t cooperating. Use your imagination.).

The list goes on, but it doesn’t get any nicer. Since today is a lovely nice day, I will stop with the gory tales (also because I am a sweet flower who is too delicate for such stories before coffee).

Save the Rhinos.

Love, Mom